


In Times of Peace

by Justice_hime



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-12
Updated: 2013-08-08
Packaged: 2017-12-19 06:10:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 34,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/880347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justice_hime/pseuds/Justice_hime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In times of peace the future wasn’t so far away; it wasn’t some far off dream but something to plan for. The future was brighter than it had been in…perhaps ever.  Kaka/Iru</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> So uhh, this is the first part of my one shot I started writing last year that turned into a three-shot :)

Iruka’s trip home had been a long one, his eagerness to return making a week of travel feel like years. He hadn’t set eyes on his home village for two years, the aftermath of the Fourth World Shinobi War keeping him aboard as an ambassador for the hidden leaf. Peace had finally come for the world of ninja and all sides were working hard to hold onto it. He had always thought it an impossible dream, to find himself in a time where ninja united; fought for all equally and without agenda. His two years had been well spent meeting with his fellows from every province, sharing what were once highly guarded secrets with one another and forming not only treaties but bonds as well. They all had the war in common and all sides had lost something. They shared the cost and grieved for it together.

Taking his last step from his forest road to land softly on the forest floor, Iruka practically breathed in the sight before him. He had just crossed the border into the hidden leaf, the familiar scenery of lush green trees welcoming him home. Somehow, they looked so much better than the trees five feet behind him. A wide smile spread across his face--he was home. Drinking in the sight Iruka leapt onto a high branch, readying himself for his journey to the village. It really had been too long.

_\--_

_“Ma~, sensei--you shouldn’t worry so much.”_

_The teacher in question jumped slightly at the unexpected voice. “Ah, Kakashi-san,” he greeted the other man with a nod. He’d been lost in thought and hadn’t even noticed the copy-nin occupy the once-empty seat beside him. “Worry?”_

_Kakashi nodded sagely. “You’ll get wrinkles at the rate you’re going,” he stated, his eye trained on his ever present book._

_The younger man frowned. “Wrinkles?” he repeated._

_“Ah-ah Sensei--frowning will only get you there faster,” his uncovered eye focused on Iruka. “Naruto’s only been gone a short while, pace yourself or you’ll have gained ten-years by the time he returns,” he finished, smiling lightly._

_Iruka felt a faint blush rise in his cheeks; was he really that easy to read? He’d thought about Naruto almost constantly since the boy had left to train with Jiraiya-sama. “Ah, former teacher’s habit?” he tried, a nervous laugh accompanying his words._

_The silver-haired jounin closed his book, leaning forward slightly. “Former teacher, huh?” he mused, “you’re more than that to him, Iruka-sensei--and clearly, he’s more than just another student to you.” Tilting his head, Kakashi studied the chuunin a moment. “You shouldn’t worry so much,” he repeated; two fingers raised in farewell as the copy-nin disappeared in a puff of smoke._

_“…Easier said than done.” Iruka replied to the empty chair._

_\--_

Cheerful laughter reached his ears as Iruka neared the village walls and he paused in the trees as he spied several young children below.

“That’s not how it goes!” a small, red-haired boy shouted at his companions, picking up a red scarf from the ground and brandishing it at the others. “He didn’t chop his _tail_ off!” he huffed, reattaching the scarf to his belt and Iruka counted eight others fixed in place.

Laughter erupted from his fellows, three girls and a rather stoic looking boy who stood smirking. “That’s what _I_ would’ve done,” he said smugly, clearly impressed with himself.

“But it’s not what happened!”

“Hn. Well, I guess I’m smarter than that Uchiha then--no wonder he lost.”

“He didn’t lose!” one of the girls put in.

“He was defeated.”

“But he didn’t die!”

“GUYS!” the red-head yelled suddenly. “Are we re-enacting this or not?” he whined, “we were just getting up to the good bits!”

Up in the tree, Iruka crouched and watched the children a while longer. He watched as the red-head snarled and roared at the dark-haired boy who in turn did an impression of a summoning technique, one of the girls jumping in between them, hissing. The sight was to be expected; the battle they were bringing to life was one that would never be forgotten, tales already being passed to the next generation. Iruka smiled as the girl-snake bit down on one of the scarf-tails and the red-haired-nine tails roared in mock pain and Iruka’s smile faltered.

_Naruto…_

Shaking himself from sad thoughts, Iruka made the final few leaps across the tree tops and landed before the gates.

\--

_“Is this your new habit?” a rapidly becoming familiar voice asked from his right and the brunette turned unsurprised to see Kakashi perched on the stool beside him._

_He smiled, “someone’s got to keep them in business.”_

_“Kakashi-san!” Teuchi greeted the Copy-nin warmly, “the usual?” he queried._

_Nodding his head, Kakashi’s visible eye up-turned as he smiled, “yes, please.”_

_While Teuchi busied himself making the jounins order, Iruka continued his slow twirl of his chopsticks. “You seem to be of the same mind, Kakashi-san,” he said eventually. For the past month the copy-nin had shown up at the ramen stand like clockwork. Every weekday at 7:00pm. Iruka_ was _here out of habit more than anything else, not that the meals weren’t good, ramen was his favourite after all, but it had just become routine. His worry over the boy he’d come to think of as a younger brother had been leading him to the stand far more often than was healthy._

_“Even with the two of us we won’t make up for Naruto’s usual share.”_

_Iruka suppressed a snort of laughter. “True,” he agreed, plucking a particularly good looking piece of cabbage from his bowl. Leaning forward to take the mouthful Iruka stopped short as a warm finger pressed lightly against the top of his cheek bone at the corner of his eye._

_“Ma~, what did I tell you,” Kakashi started softly, his finger gently tracing the light line on the other man’s face, “they’ve started already.”_

_\--_

The Village was bustling with activity as Iruka made his way down and through the streets. His eyes darted around noting the slight, yet to him, noticeable changes. The rebuild of the town was practically identical to what it had been, only now spread across several different levels. Somehow it made the village look twice as big as it had once been. There were no remaining signs of the battle that had raged here destroying the hidden leaf; nothing gave even the smallest hint that Konoha had once been reduced to unrecognisable rubble and he couldn’t quite keep the smile off his face as he continued his slow pace through the village. His gaze settled on the achingly familiar faces craved into mountain side before moving to the offices below.

“Iruka-sensei!” a voice shouted from the crowd behind him and the chuunin turned his gaze from his destination to see a black-haired boy, somewhat shorter than him, waving to him enthusiastically.

“Konohamaru?!” Iruka exclaimed after a beat, shocked at the change in his former student. The boy had had several growth spurts by the looks of it, his once childish face had matured, no longer rounded and his dark hair was shorter though still sticking upwards toward the sky. And there, still wrapped securely around his neck, was his blue scarf.

“Ne, sensei when did you get back?” the boy asked coming to a stop in front of Iruka, the same easy grin spreading across his face.

Iruka matched the grin, resisting the urge to reach out and ruffle the boy’s hair. “Just now,” he replied. “Look at you!” he added, inwardly laughing when Konohamaru puffed out his chest proudly. “All grown up, huh?” he felt a sudden pang of regret at his words. Facing the raven-haired boy, transformed so much from the child he once knew showed him just how much change had occurred in his two-year absence. He wondered, not for the first time, what else he’d missed while he’d been away.

_\--_

_Iruka sat crossed legged on his living room floor, head bent over the low table as he graded papers. The room was silent bar for the scratches of his pen on paper and the occasional muttered words as he read through what were possibly the worst written essays in the history of his teaching career. The sky was darkening outside and he shifted further over the table, absently bringing his hand up to loosen the tie in his hair, fighting with it a moment before pulling it out completely._

_“The legendary Sannin ended the Third Shinobi World War after they fought and then signed the Armistice Treaty.” The brunette read out loud, shaking his head and he scribbled a quick noted in the margin. The aforementioned sentence had accurate information--from the_ first _and_ second _wars. At least this one_ had _accurate information in it; it was more than could be said for countless others. Iruka sighed, scrubbing a hand over tired eyes. The history of the Shinobi world seemed lost on these kids._

_Stretching his aching muscles, Iruka rolled his neck, extending his shoulders back and forth before sagging with the relief it brought. He sat there in the burgeoning darkness, head lolled forward breathing deeply. Definitely time for a break, he thought and as if on cue his stomach growled loudly into the silence of his apartment. Chuckling to himself, Iruka stood up in one fluid motion, his arms coming up over his shoulders as he stretched further and he moved toward the fridge after hearing several satisfying clicks._

_Upon opening said fridge the brunette sighed. “Leftovers it is,” he muttered to himself. It seemed he’d become accustomed to eating out, the only eatable thing occupying his fridge being leftover takeout. Iruka opened the cover and gave the soup inside a cautious sniff before a sudden knocking at the door interrupted his contemplation over the maybe-not-so eatable soup._

_Kicking closed the fridge as he went Iruka approached the door, swinging it open when he reached it._

_“K-Kakashi-san,” Iruka stammered out, the shock he was feeling clearly etched on his face and he fought and lost against the blush rising in his cheeks._

_“Good evening, Iruka-sensei!” the jounin greeted him enthusiastically, smiling brightly._

_Well, Iruka thought it looked like a brighter smile than the normal upturn of his one visible eye. “Good evening,” he greeted back, wishing for all the world he had A – not carried the slightly off soup with him and B – not taken his hair down earlier. He must be a pretty sorry sight right now. He had half changed when he got home from the mission desk, removing his vest and swapping his normal trousers for an old pair of comfortable blacks._

_Kakashi seemed to be taking in his appearance too, head tilted in thought. “I brought dinner,” he said after his contemplation of the brunette and he held up a takeout bag as proof of his words. “You weren’t going to eat that were you, Iruka-sensei?” he added, motioning to the container in the other man’s hand._

_“Huh? Oh, well  I – no,” Iruka managed, losing the battle of the blush once again. “No,” he repeated laughingly, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand._

_Kakashi nodded his approval and the two stood there smiling at one another, the chuunin still laughing somewhat._

_“So can I come in?”_

_“Oh! Yes, sorry--of course,” Iruka replied quickly, stepping to the side as he granted access and he shut the door as Kakashi removed his sandals._

_“Ichiraku’s finest,” the other man smiled, heading further into the brunettes apartment._

_\--_

Iruka’s mind was still reeling over the change in his ex-student when he arrived at his destination. His mind having trouble connecting the Konohamaru he had just seen to the one he’d left behind two years ago. Shaking his head as he walked he was stopped once again by the call of his name.

“Ah! Iruka-sensei!” the speaker poked their head out of a door to his left and grinned, his body following a moment later.

“Kotetsu-san!” the chuunin recognised instantly, walking forward to clasp the others hand.

“Did you just arrive?” the spiky-haired man asked warmly, clearly pleased to see his friend.

“Yes,” Iruka confirmed, “I’m heading to check in with Tsunade-sama now.”

“Ah,” Kotetsu nodded, rubbing the bridge of his nose through the bandage. “She’s free now,” he supplied; “it’s good to see you,” he added after a thoughtful pause.

Iruka smiled. “It’s good to see you too,” he said, honestly pleased to see the familiar face of his fellow chuunin.

“The mission desk hasn’t been the same without you--not nearly enough scolding,” he teased and Iruka laughed out loud, his cheeks reddening slightly.

“It’ll be great to have the fearsome Umino Iruka manning it again, just like the old days,” Kotetsu went on, grinning.

“I’m sure you’ve been doing an adequate job, Kotetsu-san,” Iruka ribbed.

“Sure, sure.”

Making plans to catch up properly during the week the chuunin’s parted ways and Iruka continued down the hall toward the Hokage’s offices.

_\--_

_Iruka had always known of the limitations in life. He had created a line, somewhere along the way, of what was possible for him, and what was not. There were things he could attain and things he couldn’t._

_Hatake Kakashi had always been firmly placed on the side of what was unattainable._

_Because of that, Iruka had simply put his initial interests in the jounin away, burying them somewhere deep inside. He imagined them in box, perhaps with the words ‘Never gonna happen’ stamped across it. It wasn’t a big deal; it was just part of life._

_Now however, the chuunin had been forced to take the box out of hiding._

_The Copy-nin had somehow become a fixture in his life over the past six months. At first, it had been their nightly dinners at Ichiraku--the other man simply showing up, eating his meal and disappearing again and then, as it went on, he’d offered small talk mixed in with his usual jabs. That had turned into the silver-haired man showing up at his house, dinner in hand, when Iruka had stopped his nightly visits to the ramen stand, and it eventuated into home cooked meals with an easy flow of conversation between the two._

_One night after a particularly appetizing meal Iruka had prepared the two of them, they had been readying themselves for the chore of dishes, a relaxed banter carrying on between them as they set the plates down on the bench._

_That’s when Kakashi had changed things._

_The jounin had placed a warm hand on his wrist, tugging Iruka forwards, closer to him and ever so slowly leaned his forehead against the brunette’s own. Hot breath puffed against his mouth and before Iruka could process what was happening his eyes had slid shut of their own accord and never before seen lips had pressed lightly against his. It had been only the slightest of touches, almost like an accidental graze, and then a more firm press of the other man’s lips followed._

_“Thank you for the lovely meal, Iruka.” The ‘sensei’ dropped from his name had sent a surprising jolt through Iruka and his eyes had shot open._

_“You’re welcome,” he had responded automatically, staring back at the smiling man almost in a daze. Kakashi’s mask had been back in place and he was already turning to the sink, setting about rinsing their plates under the tap._

_That was two nights ago now, and Iruka was no closer to figuring out how the action came about. It was something of a natural progression, he supposed--if he’d thought of it as a possibility to begin with. Which he hadn’t. Their quiet companionship over the past months could be seen as a slow get-to-know-you easing into a possibility of something more down the road but from the start Iruka didn’t acknowledge any wayward ideas of anything more than friendship. Beyond that… Well, there just hadn’t been anything._

_Until now._

_Kakashi had made his intentions clear that evening, stating his seriousness before bidding Iruka goodnight in his maddening causal way. The chuunin was yet to respond, his mind still replaying the past months, going over the tiniest of details as if to pin point a moment in time where he may have spotted this coming. He told himself it was the suddenness that was throwing him through a loop, and that maybe, if he could just figure out where this was coming from..._

_All his insecurities were screaming at him that somehow Kakashi, in all his seriousness, couldn’t actually_ be _serious._

_It took another two days of discerning his thoughts for him to see it in any sort of clarity and with that his imagined dividing line slowly began to fade. Iruka was slowly weighing the options presented to him, he studied his crush-like feelings he’d had for the jounin after their first meeting, even the irritation and exasperation the other man brought out of him so easily amidst their many run-ins and then Iruka delved into the deeper ones that had been quietly stirring within more recently._

_Could they actually do this?_

_\--_

Iruka shut the doors behind him, entering the Hokage’s office and bowing formally towards the fair-haired woman behind the desk--or rather, _on_ the desk.

“Tsunade-sama.”

“Huh? Wha-“ the woman in question jerked up into the seat, trying to look as though she hadn’t just been drooling over the scrolls littering her desk as she napped. “Iruka-sensei?” she said inquiringly, stifling a yawn behind her hand. “Checking in?” she asked, slumping back in the chair. “Long time, huh?”

“Yes, Hokage-sama,” he confirmed, looking at the floor while Tsunade wiped the wetness from her cheek.

“The files arrived last night, all signed and sealed--you did well Sensei,” she smiled, “several of your fellows from the joint board also took it upon themselves to write personal letters of recommendation on your behalf. They spoke very highly of you.”

“Y-yes, Hokage-sama,” Iruka muttered, feeling the warmth of embarrassment spread over him. He wondered vaguely who had ‘taken it upon themselves’ to do that.

Tsunade arched an eyebrow at him, “no need to be so modest, Sensei, you’ve filled a very important roll the past two years and the other ambassadors clearly feel the same way. We have alliances never thought possible and a world-wide information network thanks to this mission--not to mention we now have treaties coming out our ears.” She looked vaguely annoyed as she said the last part, taking a moment to glare at the paper work on her desk and then she smiled again, “ah, I also recall seeing numerous invitations--should you wish to visit there in the future.” Her smile turned coy, “anything you want to share?”

“I--that is, no, Hokage-sama, nothing to share.”

“No? Mah…” she looked disappointed, as though a juicy piece of gossip was exactly what she needed right about now. Tsunade let out a huff of air, “ah, then your mission is officially complete--I’ll look over your most recent reports this afternoon,” she continued, “we have the academy fully staffed at the moment but Kotetsu and Izumo would appreciate a break from the missions desk I’m sure. You can start shifts there beginning tomorrow,” she waved her hand airily, dismissing him.

“Understood.”

“Welcome home, Iruka-sensei.”

“Thank you, Hokage-sama, it’s good to be here.”

_\--_

  _“You’re going to have to look at some point,” Kakashi said, breaking the comfortable silence between them, his tone one of amusement._

_They were sitting crossed legged on the floor, Kakashi at the head of the low lying table and Iruka to his right--pointedly looking in the opposite direction as they ate._

_The chuunin chewed thoughtfully and considered the other man’s words. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to look, after the many nights they’d spent in each other’s company Iruka hadn’t even chanced a peek while the silver-haired man ate. His face was something he kept to himself, something private and the brunette didn’t want to take the privilege of his trust lightly. He was curious, who wouldn’t be, but he was also still somewhat irritated after Kakashi’s not so subtle ‘outing’ of their relationship to the entire village and right now it was his irritation that was winning._

_He felt a bubbling knot forming in his stomach as he remembered the scene in the missions’ room, the long line of Shinobi waiting before him, the end of the day rush, and then the entrance of Mighty Guy. Iruka swallowed his mouthful with more than a little difficulty, resisting the urge to glare at the other man. He could play innocent all he liked but the Copy-nin had to have known exactly what he was doing when he told his fellow jounin._

_The Bastard._

_“Here,” he heard Kakashi move, the rustle of clothing then felt the jounin’s hands gently guiding him to stand and Iruka childishly screwed his eyes shut as he was turned to face him._

_He heard the other man’s quiet chuckle and opened his eyes a tiny crack then opened them properly, fully taking in the face before him._

_“Huh,” the unbidden noise came out without thought, his mind concentrating on the features of Kakashi’s face, the thins lips he had felt upon his own many times to his straight nose and then to the continuation of the thin scar running halfway down his cheek._

_“Huh?” Kakashi parroted back, “huh, good? Or huh, I thought you’d be way hotter?” he joked and it was Iruka’s turn to chuckle._

_“Huh – you look perfectly normal,” he laughed, “no crazy birth marks or scars, no hidden tattoos--there’s going to be a lot of disappointed people.” he smiled, irritation falling away, “the theories get more farfetched every year and here you are--not a single hideous thing to hide.” he feigned disappointment and was rewarded with a grin from the other man._

_“Ah, no buck teeth either,” he sighed._

_\--_

Iruka set a brisk pace as he made his way out of the academy building, pausing as his eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness. Mission officially complete he allowed himself to relax, thoughts he’d been keeping at bay flooded his mind and he stopped short again, considering heading back to the mission desk to see if the object of his thoughts was away or somewhere here in the village, then he thought better of it. Maybe he’d just go round, he hadn’t had the chance to let Kakashi know he was heading back to Konoha before he left but he was none-the-less sure his presence would be welcome. A slow, steady stream of excitement bubbled its way to the surface and he found himself grinning once again as he continued his pace.

Iruka managed a good three steps before he was turning at the sound of his name.

“Iruka-sensei?” the unfamiliar voice spoke hesitantly and when he turned fully he found the unfamiliar voice attached to an unfamiliar person. The woman was a touch shorter than him with sandy blonde shoulder length hair and dark golden eyes to match.

He nodded his confirmation, “yes?”

“Uh, I- I recognised you from- well, that is,” she pointed in the general direction of the village then waved her hand down nervously. “I’ve been teaching here,” she managed, “I’m Harada Naoko.” And with that she bowed in introduction.

“Ah, Naoko-sensei,” Iruka greeted warmly returning the bow. “You’re the transfer teacher from Kumogakure,” he remembered; he’d received a request for further lesson plans when she had come to the hidden leaf shortly after his departure.

“Yes. I saw you through the window and wanted to formally introduce myself.”

“It’s always nice to put a face to a name,” he said, “I hope you’ve had no trouble.”

“No, it’s been a good fit here, actually, I was thinking I—“

“Oi, Iruka sensei,” a voice broke in and the aforementioned man glanced around.

“Genma-san!” he welcomed, watching the bandana wearing jounin amble his way over. He wasn’t sure he’d heard his name called so many times in such a small amount of time. News of his return must have already spread and he thought again of Kakashi.

“Don’t you have lessons this afternoon?” Genma directed the question at Naoko, his tone blunt and his eyebrows raised in question.

“Y-yes,” she stuttered out and hurriedly headed back towards the building with a hastily muttered farewell, disappearing inside as Iruka watched. He turned a frown towards Genma over his bland treatment of the other teacher but the other man simply shrugged in reply.

“You heading home?” he asked instead, his senbon bobbing in place as he spoke.

Iruka made a hum of agreement, eyebrows still furrowed in disapproval.

“I’ll walk you.”

_\--_

_Iruka lay in bed, his head against Kakashi’s chest right above his heart, listening to the other man’s even breathing and the slow rhythmic beating beneath his chest. His fingers were sprawled on the jounin’s stomach, his index finger drawing a slow pattern as he thought. The War was fast approaching and Kakashi would be in the thick of it, leading the third division as their commander. Iruka had his own role to play, one he accepted without question although maybe with more than a few concerns._

_He knew what value Naruto could be in battle and the flipside if he were to be captured. Nothing, not even Iruka, could keep Naruto from the battle when he found out what was happening; and Iruka knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that it wasn’t going to take Naruto long to catch on. His worry for him grew steadily and Iruka tried to regulate his breathing as his mind supplied the many horrible scenarios that could eventuate, the detailed images overwhelming him._

_“Ow,” came a sleepy murmur from the now-awake man he had inadvertently been digging his fingers into._

_“Sorry,” Iruka rubbed the spot apologetically, “go back to sleep.” he whispered, pressing his lips against the body he was using as a pillow._

_“M’m awake now,” Kakashi dislodged the other man from his position as he rolled onto his side to face him, bringing Iruka securely against him and looking at him in the dim light._

_“Ah, you’re worrying again,” he stated affectionately, leaning forward to press his lips to the chuunin’s temple. “What have I told you about that?”_

_“Wrinkles,” Iruka replied into Kakashi’s chest, “you’re obsessed.”_

_“I only have your best interests at heart.”_

_“Mmm…”_

_“What were you thinking about?” the silver-haired man asked, absently running his fingers through Iruka’s dark hair._

_“Naruto,” he leaned back into the hand, “how he’s going to react when he finds out.”_

_Kakashi made a ‘hmm’ of acknowledgement, “no point worrying….we’ll know soon enough.” And before the other man could reply, probably to protest, he flipped himself on top of Iruka who had indeed opened his mouth to protest, and silenced it with his own._

_\--_

Iruka wasn’t quite sure how he’d ended up back at his apartment and not at Kakashi’s as he’d intended. Genma had taken it upon himself to walk Iruka home, somehow brushing off all of his objections and then ended up staying for a cup of hot tea. He’d been startled to actually find anything drinkable in his cupboard, he’d only offered out of politeness but the jounin had accepted the hot, unsweetened brew and had then taken his time in drinking it.

Iruka was pleasantly surprised to find his apartment had been well looked after, his plants looking none the worse for his absence and the thick film of dust he had been expecting to see was nothing more than a light scattering.

The upside of the many distractions was that he’d had the chance to shower and change, the downside was that the longer the reunion was put off the more anxious he was becoming. Two years was a long time. It hadn’t been a lengthy, drawn out goodbye when he’d been given his assignment; there hadn’t been time. Kakashi had his own mission to be getting on with and the two had parted ways reluctantly but with the promise and faith that they would be together again; two years being a small price to pay for the peace the world had enjoyed since.

Smoothing down his hair for the umpteenth time, Iruka adjusted his forehead protector and steadied his nerves. He felt almost giddy as he shut and locked his apartment door and the grin he’d been wearing half the day returned in full force. He made his way down the apartment stairs, his pace fixed at first then becoming faster as he neared the street and when he found himself jogging along the emptying walkway he blew off his earlier idea of picking up dinner and leapt onto the nearest building, swiftly leaping towards the jounins block.

He arrived at his destination in record time and Iruka took a calming breath before knocking on the door, his heart hammering in chest; the breath he’d taken not fulfilling its purpose in the slightest. He fidgeted with the tie in his hair, tightening it.

He heard feet shuffle in his direction and he looked expectantly at the door as it swung open.

Kakashi stood slouched in the entrance, staring somewhat dumbly at him; his eye wide in shock.

“Iruka,” he breathed the word and the chuunin didn’t get the chance to react; Kakashi covered the small distance between them in a flash and then the other man’s lips were descending upon his.

The kiss was desperate, two years’ worth of emotion and need clashing together as the Copy-nin deepened the kiss, his fervour almost lifting the other man off the ground.

The need for air became apparent all too soon and both men pulled back but stayed tangled together, Iruka’s arms gripping Kakashi’s shoulder as he continued to place a trail of wet kisses down the brunette’s neck.

“Kakashi,” it came out as a moan, not quite what he’d been going for but then again, how was he supposed to concentrate when the other man was busying himself with lapping at a known sensitive spot on his collar bone. His head thumped back against the wall he didn’t realised he’d been pushed too and he moved his hands, treading them into silver hair.

“Kakashi-san?”

Iruka barely heard the distance voice, paying it no mind. It wasn’t until the warm tongue and lips vanished from his neck that he gave it any further thought.

Kakashi stood leaning, arms propped on the wall next to the chuunin and his head bowed. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m sorry Iruka.”

Iruka stared at the jounin, taking in his pained expression and the fact that he was no longer meeting his eyes.

“Sorry?” he repeated numbly, his brain not keeping up.

“Kakashi-san? Who is it?”

That voice…

Something cold, sharp and heavy plummeted in Iruka’s stomach, freezing his entire body in place and squeezing.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so _fucking_ sorry, Iruka.” Kakashi’s mantra was unrelenting even as he stepped away from the wall, away from Iruka, pulling his mask in place as he went.

Iruka stood stock-still, burning ice spreading through his once warm body, his brain struggling to make a connection he knew he was missing and by the time it did, it was too late.

“Naoko-sensei,” was that his voice? She stood next to Kakashi in the doorway, looking between the two and Iruka willed himself away from the wall.

It couldn’t be what he was thinking, Kakashi wouldn’t…and if he did he would have…

And Naoko-sensei, she could just be here because they were frie—

Because they were discussing sch—

Because they were working on _something_ and it—

Kakashi’s string of pained apologies echoed in his mind.

“…Iruka-sensei,” he thought he heard some other nicety follow his name, she was smiling. The ice clamped down and he struggled for breath, his head light with dizziness. He saw her smile wane as she glanced at Kakashi and he couldn’t stop his gaze from following.

He flinched. The moment their eyes met the clamp-like grip tightened, becoming unbearable and he heard himself mutter words that held no meaning, saw Kakashi reach forward and with great effort he tore his body and gaze away. His name was called as he all but stumbled down the hall; his legs heavy but getting steadily lighter with the more distance put between them.

He had no idea how he made it home, he only knew that someway, despite not looking up for the entirety of his walk he was now standing at the bottom of the stairs leading to his apartment block. His legs began an automatic climb, his mind on autopilot and when he reached the top he heard two distinct voices speak at once.

“Shit.” Izumo.

“Mother _fucker!_ ” Definitely Kotetsu.

Raising his eyes, Iruka continued his methodical walk towards his door; registering vaguely the bottles of sake the two chuunin’s were holding.

His keys were taken from his hand before he reached it and the two men ushered him into his flat and not long after he found himself sitting at the low table opposite Kotetsu, the dark-haired man’s expression abnormally serious.

Drinks were poured and swallowed in silence. Iruka tried not to think.

It wasn’t working.

Kakashi’s words were still reverberating in his mind, each repeat sounding colder and colder. The seemingly sincere smile Naoko had given turned to a malicious sneer as Iruka’s mind warped the events as he tried to process them.

The ice in his veins gradually turned to numbness with each drink and after an unknown amount of time Iruka was finally able to meet his friend’s eyes; the smile that was so easy to summon earlier appearing weakly on his face.

“Thanks,” he forced out through the lump in his throat.

They nodded, Kotetsu leaning forward, elbow propped on the table. He glanced at Izumo then his gaze settled on Iruka. “What happe—ow!”

Izumo made an impatient noise, resettling his arm on the table and narrowing his eyes at the spiky-haired man; shaking his head.

Iruka let his eyes drift between the two, frowning. “You don’t…know?” he asked. If they didn’t then it was one hell of a coincidence that they’d shown up with alcohol in hand tonight. He’d gathered from there unexpected appearance and their reaction’s that he himself was the last to know about…whatever _._

“Genma mentioned something.”

Ah. So Genma knew.

Iruka groaned then, barely restraining himself from banging his head down onto the table. “Of course,” he muttered.

That explained his interruption and bluntness towards what’s-her-name earlier; it wasn’t like the jounin to be so tactless.

The sharp vice-like grip made a sudden resurgence, reviving the pain and it must have been clear in his expression because another drink was immediately shoved in his hand, the other two knocking theirs back and watching Iruka expectantly.

He drank it in one swallow, holding it out to be refilled.

 

Far too many shots later, Iruka found himself leaning up against the couch, struggling for breath as he told the two chuunin about his earlier experience.

“T-two years!” he laughed, clutching his aching ribs, “and he p-practically _mauls_ me,” he made an exaggerated arm movement, grabbing a fictional air-person and following it up with a rather crude intimation of kissing. “And then he says, he says – ‘I’m sorry Iruka’!” his impression sounded more along the lines of a mildly retarded school boy than Kakashi, but he was sure the amused Kotetsu and Izumo got the general idea.

His laughter turned silent and he shook with mirth, unable to stop and his cheeks were now aching along with his ribs.

“A-and, she, she was j-just,” he took a gulp of much needed air, “ _standing_ there!”

Kotetsu was laughing just as loudly while Izumo was more restrained and for the longest time that’s how they stayed, Iruka falling sideways at some point and simply laying there until the hilarity ebbed away, his laughter draining out into a sigh.

“What was I saying?” he mumbled into the floor boards.

“What’s-her-name,” came Izumo’s grunted answer.

“Right,” Iruka blinked, trying to recall the next part of his story. “Then…” then he had stumbled home, heart in his shoes, to find his two friends waiting on his doorstep; they had then proceeded to get incredibly intoxicated on some very potent sake. Right.

Suddenly, the story wasn’t nearly as funny.

The sobering chuunin pushed himself up into a sitting position, leaning heavily on one arm. “Mother fucker,” he pronounced.

“I’ll drink to that,” Izumo raised his glass in toast, downing it a second later then looked curiously at Kotetsu.

“Oi,” he kicked the uncharacteristically quiet chuunin from his position on the couch. “What’re you plotting?” he asked, knowing from experience that his current expression was his ‘I’m about to suggest something totally ridiculous but marginally funny’ look and his suspicions were confirmed when the dark-haired man grinned.

“Nothing,” he lied smoothly, grin widening.

“That complete _mother fucker,_ ” Iruka broke in, his mind replaying the not-even-remotely funny story he’d been retelling. “That, that…”

“Arse.”

“Wanker.”

“Dumbass.”

“Piece of shit.”

“Scumbag.”

Iruka nodded as they finished his sentence, his anger building in the face of his oncoming sobriety, “he, we--it was-- _what the hell_ was _that?_ ”

“Stupidity?”

“Insanity?”

“Fuckarse-ness?”

“Wanker-ism?”

“Yeah,” Iruka continued to nod at their suggestions, “I mean…just what? What, how--when did they happen?” the question wasn’t directed at anyone in particular, the universe in general really.

“Well--” Kotetsu cut off as he dodged a kick from Izumo and he neatly jumped to the other side of the table, safely out of reach. “I don’t think it’s been long,” he went on, “and honestly, I didn’t even think the rumours were true.”

_Oh god._ “There were rumours?” he groaned, then cursed. “Hit me,” he said, thrusting his empty shot glass in front of Izumo.

\--

 When Iruka awoke, his first thought was that he _really_ needed to brush his teeth. His second and third thoughts were more questions. ‘Oww, why the hell does my head hurt so much? And why the hell was he covered in something that smelt intensely of soy sauce?’ It wasn’t until he reached the bathroom, standing with toothbrush and toothpaste in hand, that he had a fourth thought. Or rather, a sudden memory.

_“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so_ fucking _sorry Iruka.”_

His toothbrush clattered loudly into the sink, the toothpaste following as Iruka buried his head in his hands.

“Fuck.”

He let his hands fall down to rest at his sides, taking a deep calming breath before facing himself in the mirror.

“Argh,” he looked like shit. His hair was matted on one side, his eyes pained and weary, and, he pressed two fingers to his cheek, he had the same unidentifiable and disgustingly sticky substance covering half his face.

The memory replayed as he brushed his teeth, scrubbed his face and showered, looping continuously as he dressed. The hangover he was experiencing didn’t help matters. He wasn’t sure if the nauseated feeling he had was from the overabundance of sake he’d consumed or the complete sickness he felt over last night’s events.

Probably both.

His head hurt and again, he wasn’t sure if it was alcohol related or because it was overwhelmed with constant, repetitive thought.

Now that the shock (and liquor) was wearing off, a deep seed of confusion was rapidly growing in his already overfull mind. He could see, maybe even understand, Kakashi seeing someone in the two years they’d been apart. And at a stretch he might even be able to understand why the other man hadn’t let on; but _why_ then, did he receive him the way he had? _Why_ if he had moved on, which for all intents and purposes it looked like he had, did he kiss him? Why welcoming him back as a lover if he no longer felt that way.

His head pounded as the thoughts swirled in his mind and then a far more straightforward problem surfaced.

He was _starving_.

Mind made up, Iruka pushed all thoughts not food related away and grabbed his vest, then made his way out the door.

Unfortunately, as dire as his hunger was, it wasn’t enough to keep thoughts of Kakashi from his mind and as he walked his confused thoughts deepened. He knew the questions he had could only be answered by one person, but that was easier said than done. He wasn’t entirely sure he even wanted to see him again.

Except that he did. Damn it.

_Food._ Iruka thought, _think about food._

Unlike yesterday, he made it to his destination interruption free and hurried his last few steps to reach the ramen stand only to jerk back in surprise. Kakashi sat on the stool furthest from him, hunched dejectedly over a steaming bowl.

Iruka sucked air into his lungs and made a complete one-eighty moving quickly in the direction he had come; he hadn’t been fast enough though, before he turned the jounin had straightened and was probably watching him now as he escaped what would surely have been an awkward moment to end all awkward moments.

When he believed he’d put enough space between them, Iruka remembered to breathe; then mentally berated himself. Things like that were going to happen, he was going to run into the other man and if he was going to turn tail and run each time he may as well leave the village entirely.

Still annoyed, Iruka headed to the nearest eatery, not caring what he ate as long as he did.

 

He was late. His almost run-in and diversion to another place had taken longer than he thought and he cursed his new weak resolve as he rushed through to the mission assignments room.

“Sorry for my lateness,” he said, bowing when he entered.

“Oi, what’re you doing here.”

Iruka stood up straight at the sound of his friends’ voice. “Izumo-san, Kotetsu-san,” he acknowledged, eyebrows raised in question as he motioned to the empty chairs, “where are the others?”

“Huh?” a half asleep Kotetsu inquired, “just us I’m afraid, not nearly as busy these days and the Hokage prefers to “work from her office”,” he snorted, the _yeah right_ going unsaid.

“And I repeat,” Izumo said, staring at Iruka through his hair, “what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be wrapped around a toilet bowl or something?”

The chuunin reddened but quickly brushed if off, raising an eyebrow in response, “and you? I may not remember everything but I do have a clear image of you trying, note _trying,_ to balance a sake bottle on your nose.”

He didn’t blush, but a pained expression crossed his face as he undoubtedly remembered the incident and he muttered something about ‘drunken chakra’ and left it at that.

Smirking, Iruka claimed his seat next to a very sorry looking Kotetsu, “I had the impression I was supposed to be relieving one of you, if not both?”

“Nah,” the spiky-haired man yawned, “we may as well suffer with you.”

Frowning, Iruka shrugged it off. “So,” he said instead, “anyone know why I woke up covered in soy sauce?”

 

As it turned out, they knew exactly why he’d woken up in that particular state. After much sniggering Kotetsu had explained that after running out of sake he had gone in search of something else to drink and found the only thing in Iruka’s cupboards was tea and a bottle of soy sauce; and upon finding said soy sauce he had filled up their glasses and made a toast--the end result being much spat sauce with Iruka bearing the brunt of it.

He was glad he didn’t remember it.

The rest of the day passed with swapped drunken memories and small talk in between the many coming and going Shinobi; most missions comprised of the simple transportation of goods, the odd protection assignment and day to day needs of the village. The lack of more stimulating missions concluded in many arguments with several jounin and chuunin who either had never met Iruka, or simply forgot the days of him manning the desk. They were quickly caught up as the gathered Shinobi fled after a smart-mouthed chuunin continued to argue after the vein at his temple started.

He sat back heavily in his seat, the rage draining and his throat somewhat hoarse after ‘telling’ the chuunin that yes, that really was his current assignment and yes, he really did have to deliver the packages within the village and _no_ , the client had requested a chuunin level for the job so Iruka could not ‘just give it to a genin’ and that perhaps, if it really was _that big of a problem_ he could take it up with the Hokage.

The room was now clear of any loiterers and he was sure his ‘chat’ with the chuunin had scared off any other would-be complainers; all ninja left in the room formed at hasty line in front of the desk and off to the side Kotetsu was giving him a standing ovation.

Sighing, Iruka looked encouragingly at the chuunin next in line who eyed him nervously before stepping forward.

Unfortunately, word of his return hadn’t spread fast enough and two more shouting matches had occurred by the time his shift ended. He waved off his friend’s offer of dinner; heading to the grocer for some much needed supplies before heading home and now, groceries unpacked and dinner almost done Iruka finally allowed his mind free-rein, permitting his emotions to engulf him.

It just didn’t make sense. That had been his mantra of the day. Kakashi could be a lot of things; he could be dangerous and ruthless in the face of an enemy; he could be funny and charming when warranted; but mostly he was just honest and genuine. That was the Kakashi he knew. Sure, there were his idiosyncrasies to take into account but in Iruka’s experience those moments were generally carried out to prompt a reaction; not to hurt. For him to shack up with another person while the man he claimed to love was away just _didn’t make sense._ There were never any hints that he wasn’t happy with what they shared, nothing to indicate or prelude to this; and his initial actions spoke the complete opposite of what followed. There was no-one in the world that could force him into anything if he wasn’t willing either so Iruka was left to conclude this as being what the jounin wanted, but then _why…_

And he didn’t know what hurt more; the facts, or the fact that he couldn’t comprehend the intentions behind them. It was useless, he would have to face the other man, demand answers to the questions plaguing him or he’d be constantly speculating. They were adults, Iruka had the right to know why; he _needed_ to know why instead of subsequently questioning and second guessing the last four years of his life.

\--

Despite his new determination to speak to Kakashi, three days later found him no closer to it. His days were spent dutifully manning the missions desk, where he had yet to spy the silver-haired jounin, and being dragged off to some place or another by a far too eager Kotetsu and a reserved, yet none the more insistent, Izumo. Thankfully, none of their outings had involved further sake.

The lunchroom was crowded when he entered; bored jounin mixed amongst the staff and Iruka nodded his greetings to those he passed as he headed to the warmer where Kotetsu had placed his promised lunch. He took the square package out and his eyes raked the room for a table, finding an unoccupied one in the corner closet to him and making a bee-line for it. Settling in the seat, Iruka opened the paper bag, pulling out a warm plastic container and lifted the lid.

He cursed Kotetsu.

The other chuunin had of course picked his far from favourite food--mazegohan. He made a face showing his dislike and glared uselessly at the mixed rice. So much for lunch. He replaced the lid and turned his gaze ahead of him as the group moved from the next table and he found himself staring straight at Harada Naoko who, unfortunately, was staring right back.

His gaze faltered for the barest of seconds before he found himself smiling far too brightly and acting unperturbed as he reopened the container in front of him; eating with the gusto usually reserved for Ichiraku ramen. Not a single mouthful displayed his displeasure as he ate and he took great pains to perform his fake enjoyment of the meal; not rushing through it but seeming to relish every bite.

This was the first time their paths had crossed since his first day back and his head swam with unwarranted thoughts of animosity toward the woman who, he reminded himself; he had liked perfectly fine at their introduction. And sitting here now, eating blended rice as though he couldn’t get enough seemed faultlessly justified if it was serving its intended purpose--which was to prove that he was perfectly okay, thank you very much.

He gradually finished his meal, again, not rushing but taking his time as he packed the empty container, chopsticks and paper bag up. He stood and flashed his teeth again with another overly bright grin, heading to dispose of the rubbish but stopped short three steps in. Kakashi stood leaning causally against the bench top next to the warmer and naturally, in front of the bin, his eye trained on him and Iruka had the distinct feeling the jounin had been there a while.

“Excuse me, Hatake-san,” his tone was flat, devoid of the emotions he was currently experiencing and he was momentarily ashamed when Kakashi’s eye shuttered at his words then before the silver-haired man could make a move Iruka skilfully sidestepped around the other man, holding his pretence in place as he achieved his goal and forced himself to a composed pace as he fled the room.

Iruka tried in vain to defend his actions against a persistent and overbearing voice in his mind that was telling him in no uncertain terms that he had just acted Very Badly and another voice was aggressively fighting back with images of Kakashi and Naoko laughing it up at his actions before falling into a bed he was certain didn’t exist in the lunchroom.

Entering the missions’ room, Iruka called a truce via a promise to fulfil his former plan of talking to the silver-haired jounin next time he saw him and his warring thoughts calmed, pushed to the back of his mind as he concentrated on the rest of his work day.

 

Many hours later found the three chuunin’s amidst a pile of paper work, heads bent over written requests they were approving or in some cases, rejecting.

“What the…” Izumo held up the application he’d been going over. “This guy actually has the gall to request a chuunin team to escort his children to and from the academy plus three hours babysitting every second night.”

“Reject.”

“Reject.”

“Unanimous decision, done.”

They were silent once again, the occasional soft thump of a stamp lifting the quiet.

Iruka nodded as he approved the application he’d just gone over, leaning to grab another from the pile and placing it in front of him; he was halfway through it when he heard the door open and click shut, followed up by a very wet squelching patterned noise of someone walking towards the desk. Curiosity forced his gaze up and he noticeably balked at the sight that greeted him.

Hatake Kakashi stood before Kotetsu soaked head-to-foot and dripping; his normal lazy slouch nowhere to be seen. The spiky-haired chuunin met the death glare of the Copy-nin with calm eyes. There was a pause where the two faced off, then Kakashi slammed an equally soaked mission report onto the table, sliding it in front of the still calm Kotetsu. “Mission complete,” his said, composure changing completely as he smiled. “I just have one question,” he said in a deceptively cheery voice and when the dark-haired man raised an eyebrow Kakashi went on, leaning forward on his hand still atop the report. “This is the _third_ genin level mission I’ve been given in the past two days and I was just wondering if you’ve been mislabelling _all_ the missions?” His voice took on an edge, “you haven’t been giving say, _genin,_ any A or S rank missions by mistake, have you? Because I’m _sure_ the Hokage would be just as concerned by the matter as I am, Kotetsu- _san_.” The smile he gave now may as well have been a chidori to the face, but the chuunin matched the fake smile with one of his own.

“Of course not, Kakashi-san,” he replied happily, “I’ve just been handing out missions based on skillset.”

The air in the room changed faster than any of them could blink and Kakashi’s next words were said in a barely controlled whisper, “skillset?” he inquired.

“Yes,” Kotetsu agreed, his eyes flickering to the frozen form of Iruka and back, “your _skillset_.”

Kakashi’s eye followed the movement and whatever quarrel he had left drained out of him unexpectedly, leaving the jounin deflated and he pushed away from the table, slouching his way out of the room without another word; his sandals squelching with every step.

Iruka watched the scene play out through shocked brown eyes that quickly turned concerned as Kakashi’s hunched form exited the assignment room. He sat in astonishment for a number of beats before rounding on a smug looking Kotetsu.

“Kotetsu-san, wha-“

“Nothing,” the other chuunin cut over him, “most of the jounin have been complaining about their duties lately, guess it finally got to him.” He shrugged and picked up the sodden report Kakashi had left, “I think he’ll have to re-do this one,” he said with barely supressed glee, moving it off to the side.

“Kotetsu—“

The door opened and a distraction in the form of Genma arrived; cutting Iruka’s rant off before he could start.

“Kotetsu-san, Izumo-san--you’re dismissed,” he barked, senbon bobbing.

The black-haired chuunin looked ready to argue but with a narrowed glance from Izumo he too stood, following the other man out the still-open door and muttering his goodbye, his tone contrite.

Iruka waved half-heartedly as they went, brows creasing in worry over what was becoming an increasingly bad day and a prickling of unease settled in the pit of his stomach. He had an arising suspicion concerning one Hagane Kotetsu that needed looking into.

Genma grabbed one of the chairs and set it down on the opposite side of the desk, directly ahead of Iruka and then sat, leaning back with one arm hanging behind him.

“Genma-san,” the brunette eyed him wearily, “if this is about—“

“It’s not,” he overrode and Iruka bristled at being superseded yet again. “It’s about you and Kakashi,” he revealed, looking bothered.

The browned-eyed chuunin didn’t have a reply for the unexpected topic, choosing instead to shuffle and organise the papers on the table.

“It’s none of my business,” he stated, frowning at the roof. “And I don’t want to get involved in other people’s lives,” his eyes continued their upwards gaze and he sighed, “but I think you need to know Kakashi has his reasons.”

Iruka cringed inwardly, but when he spoke his voice was a calm murmur, “I’m sure he does.”

“But you don’t know what they are.” Blunt and sharp. “It isn’t what you think, and knowing may not change anything, or the fact that it was shit judgement on his part,” the last words were said with clear underlying irritation and he finally meet the chuunin’s eyes.

“It’s not for me to say, but I’m saying it anyway,” he gave a half shrug. “Talk to him,” and with a ‘there you go’ gesture he got to his feet, bringing the chair with him and resettling in it beside Iruka.

“And you might want to tell Kotetsu to smarten up, he’s a good friend but there are limits.”

And with that final piece of advice Genma set to work, pulling the unfiled requests toward him and starting to read.

“I’ll do that,” Iruka answered absently, staring at the jounin while his words replayed in his head.

 

Iruka pondered Genma’s words for the rest of the afternoon, it had been the chuunin’s plan to ultimately talk to Kakashi; granted, he’d had two opportunities now and had fled both times but he was getting to it. And he was sure Kakashi did have his reasons. And he was sure it wouldn’t change anything because clearly those reasons didn’t involve him. And he was as equally sure that ‘shit judgement’ would fit into it somewhere as well.

And he was damned sure he’d be talking to Kotetsu at some point.

Shift now over, Iruka said a subdued goodbye to Genma and lagged behind; tidying up the desk until the jounin was out of sight. He’d left the door open, thinking the chuunin would be following soon after but Iruka had other ideas and he quickly moved to the door, pushing it shut. His eyes narrowed on the filing cabinet on the other side of the room and he stalked towards it as though it were prey, opening a draw with more than necessary force when he got to it and immediately thumbing his way through the many reports inside. He threw furtive glances over his shoulder every now and then; with the day going as it had he wouldn’t be surprised if the Hokage herself were to walk in right now.

It wasn’t until he’d reached the third draw that he found what he was looking for.

“Aha!” he said triumphantly then stole another glance over his shoulder. Coast clear, Iruka opened the folder and began to read.

“…dog grooming, seven dogs to be washed, brushed and nails clipped…” he read aloud, disbelief spreading through him. He moved onto the next, “paint stripping…” Iruka groaned when he read the requirements, “must have own mask,” he mouthed out the words, dismayed. He bet Kotetsu would’ve just loved that…

And the latest one, the one that had lead Kakashi sopping wet into the missions room, “Stone collection…what?” The brunette studied the form, “fresh river stones needed for garden project.” Iruka didn’t even know how this one was approved and his curiosity was piqued when he saw the supplicant was confidential; he cast a guilty look around the room and then slipped the seal off the attached envelope.

“Requested by…” Instantaneously his eyebrow began to twitch and he grit his teeth, “Hagane Kotetsu.” The name came out as a curse and the sound of crumbling paper brought him out of his day dream of having the man drawn and quartered. Iruka did his best to smooth out the form, replacing it in the envelope then into the folder before placing it back where it came from and shut the draw with a snap.

Yes, he was going to be having a nice little chat with his fellow chuunin.

 

Iruka took the long way home after dinner at Ichiraku’s, wandering the near empty streets almost randomly; he’d cooled down somewhat from his walk, enough so that if he were to happen across Kotetsu right now his initial reaction wouldn’t be to smack him in the face. His intentions had come from the right place if nothing else; they had of course gone completely awry. And honestly, Iruka was surprised he’d gotten away with deliberately giving Kakashi genin missions not once but _three_ times; mostly he was just amazed it had taken Kakashi this long to say something about it.

Genma’s earlier words came back to him and Iruka sighed; Kakashi didn’t really have good friends, he was friendly with everyone if always aloof, but it looked like he had a good friend in Genma. There was Guy too of course, but for some reason no one, Iruka included, generally considered the green-clad ninja. He was just so... _spirited._ It was hard to take him seriously. But the senbon chewing jounin seemed clued into whatever it was that had taken place in Iruka’s absence and more than that, he had taken it upon himself to clue the chuunin in; if only a little.

“Talk to him, huh..?”

Iruka turned, staring back the way he’d come. It was late, Kakashi was probably sleeping.

He shook his head at his weak excuse. He knew for a fact that the other man wouldn’t be sleeping; his hesitance came more from the thought that if he were sleeping, he might not be alone and that was enough to push Iruka towards home instead.

When he arrived home he set his keys down on the kitchen counter and set about closing the blinds and turning on the lights. His apartment was silent and cold, not in the least bit welcoming and after a moment’s thought Iruka shut the lights off; heading for the bathroom for a quick shower before bed.

The warm water stung his chilled skin as he stood under the spray and he washed swiftly, exhaustion slowly overcoming him and within minutes he was out; pyjama bottoms on and towel drying his hair as he went in search of a t-shirt. His bedroom was lit dimly by the bedside lamp and Iruka flicked the main light on when he entered, heading for his dresser. Reaching for the handle of the draw, the brunette stopped abruptly, back straightening and his eyes darting to the closed blinds. A familiar chakra hovered at the edge of his sensors and it took Iruka a moment more to realise who it belonged to and when he did an inner war raged over what to do. His sane side won out and the chuunin walked the few steps to the window, hesitating briefly then he pulled the blinds up and opened the frame a few inches.

“What are you doing here?” he asked tiredly through the gap, shoulder leaning heavily against the wall edge.

There was nothing but silence for a beat then--“I want to explain,” came Kakashi’s calm voice and Iruka ‘hmmed’, moving the towel to rest over his shoulders and he waited for the jounin to go on, a knot forming in his chest.

“It’s…the thing is…” Kakashi struggled, “I don’t love her,” he stated softly, “it’s not like that. I didn’t replace you,” there was a pleading note in his voice, “it’s just…things are different now, were different, I thought. Not with you, this has nothing to do with you, but not--not like that.” Iruka could picture the frustrated expression that he was sure would be playing across Kakashi’s hidden face as his struggle continued. “Peace…” the silver-haired man went on, “it was never a realistic idea so you don’t plan for it but now, here we are.” Iruka could practically feel the other man shrug, “I didn’t think of it as even a remote possibility but then, peace changed a lot of things, maybe and…and…”

Inside his apartment, Iruka let his head rest to the wall; heart hammering. “And..?” he felt the knot tighten; he could feel a sense of awareness tingling in the back of his mind, pieces of something falling together.

“It wasn’t safe before,” he heard Kakashi murmur, “to have a family.”

In a nano-second the clamp was suddenly back at full strength, forcing the air from Iruka’s lungs and clasping his heart in a death grip that was unbearably tight. He fought to take in the air his body was screaming for and in his crisis almost missed Kakashi’s next words.

“It wasn’t a duty I ever planned on fulfilling,” he was saying in the same soft tone, “then the world changes and it’s something I have to maybe consider, but Iruka please believe me,” he was back to pleading. “I never, _never_ meant to hurt you in all of this. If I’d known you were back I would have come to you and…” the jounin’s voice shook, “I wouldn’t have let you find out the way you did.”

Iruka’s insides burnt at the unsuppressed emotion in Kakashi’s voice and he placed his hand to the wall, despite himself he wanted to comfort the other man and didn’t know how. All at once his body sagged, the clamp seemingly falling away.

Children…

He felt deflated and empty, Kakashi’s words replaying in his mind as he tried to grasp the startlingly painful concept; tried to understand it.

“A family…”

Something he most certainly couldn’t give him.

In times of peace the future wasn’t so far away he supposed; it wasn’t some far off dream but something to plan for. The future was brighter than it had been in…perhaps ever, and even Iruka at some point had entertained the idea of carrying on his family line.

“Iruka..?”

But he wouldn’t. He was already devoted to the future of Konoha, passing on and teaching the new generations as they came and that was enough for him, watching them as they grew from children to Shinobi filled him with an indescribable comfort and pride.

But for Kakashi…

“I understand,” Iruka said at last, and maybe he did. The words stung anyway. Kakashi had said himself that he didn’t love Naoko but she could give him what he literally _couldn’t_. And that…still hurt.

Perhaps, when they had been together it was…a different time, he supposed, where you lived in the moment and died the next day; it was a truth that bound them, Shinobi living one day at a time with no assurances of what would come. Things change, people change and so do their dreams; if this was Kakashi’s new dream, he had no right standing in the way of it, or getting hurt by it, right? It was what it was.

And what it was, was… _painful._

The wall that separated them felt as though it had tripled in size during the length of their conversation and Iruka pressed his hand more firmly against it. Understanding and acceptance didn’t make the moment any less bittersweet and he felt reluctant to pull away.

“Can I see you?” the question was whispered from outside and the chuunin’s expression became pained and even though Kakashi couldn’t see him, he shook his head. 

“No,” he replied in a matching undertone, “that won’t…it’s not a good idea,” his words were a contradiction to what he was feeling but he knew seeing Kakashi right now wouldn’t make this any easier and with strength he didn’t know he had Iruka pushed away from the wall. “You should go,” he forced out.

“I…”

“Goodnight, Kakashi.” Iruka said quietly when nothing further followed and he gently shut the window and closed the blinds; each mundane action surprisingly painful. It was done.

They were done.

He could still feel the other man’s presence as he dragged himself over to the light switch, turning it off and then the lamp before crawling onto his bed. He lay down, pulling the towel free and flinging it at the floor.

The presence remained outside as Iruka lay there in the silence of his bedroom and it lingered until the early hours of the morning when sleep mercifully claimed him.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the first chapter didn't really show it but this is suppose to be a romantic comedy type story, I swear lol

Kakashi stayed perched on the wide ledge long after Iruka had finally gone to sleep; his body strained and uncomfortable, yet unwilling to move from his position.

_“I understand.”_

Of course he did. The chuunin was the most understanding person he knew and in this moment Kakashi hated the once well-liked characteristic. He wanted Iruka to yell, to shout--to fight. He wanted him to do anything but understand.

His actions merited it…or was it his inaction? He wasn’t sure but both were similarly accountable either way. This was his fault; that’s what it came down to in the end. He had taken the one thing in his life that was significant and turned it on its head in the blink of an eye.

It wasn’t supposed to happen this way.

Kakashi had formulated a plan, many plans even, of how he was going to broach the subject with Iruka and none of them included the final outcome. It had never been in his plan to lose the chuunin completely, to have the situation shoved in the other man’s face and the mat pulled out from under him all in one.

He remembered the stunned look on Iruka’s face when Naoko had stepped into the doorway that night, the flinching glance he’d given as he fled, Kakashi hands screwed into fists, nails digging into gloved skin.

The jounin would give anything in his power to take back that moment.

The sky was lightening, clouds glowing in the early morning rays of the rising sun and Kakashi slowly stood, his legs stiff. He glanced at the still closed blinds, prolonging his departure before finally taking the leap away; his body aching from more than his lengthy stay on the ledge.

\--

_Kakashi watched through the window as Iruka met with Tsunade and the feudal lords, his forehead protector pushed up as he used sharingan to follow the conversation going on inside. He should be resting for the few hours he had before his own mission commenced but Iruka had been summoned here and he’d followed without thought. His shoulder burned dully from his still-healing injury he’d sustained amongst the many days of battle and his head was heavy from lack of rest but as he lip read the exchange he was suddenly pleased he’d trailed the other man here._

_He knew what Iruka was going to do before he did it so it wasn’t a surprise when the dark-haired man nodded, stepping forward to accept the offered scroll and yet when he did Kakashi inhaled sharply; selfish thoughts overwhelming him. Logic told him Iruka was perfect for the job and was by far the best candidate while his self-indulgent side told him it was the worst decision in history._

_He continued to survey the scene, reason winning out by the barest of an inch with his knowledge that the mission being presented to Iruka would benefit all of Konoha and beyond. He waited for the chuunin to be dismissed then swiftly made his way to the ground entrance, striking a causal pose once there._

_“Yo,” he greeted Iruka when he stepped out of the building._

_“Wha…Kakashi!” the chuunin’s eyes narrowed on him and the jounin gave his best ‘who me?’ look, finishing it off with an exaggerated wince as he rubbed his shoulder, trying for some sympathy points._

_It didn’t work._

_“If it’s that sore than you should have_ listened _when I said to rest!” he admonished him, shaking his head. The jounin knew he wasn’t as annoyed as he was making out and he smiled, happy to take the light reprimand._

_“Ma~, I was curious,” he said in way of explanation, rubbing the back of his neck and shrugging._

_“Curious my arse,” Iruka muttered as they fell into step, walking at an easy pace._

_“Well now that you mention it…” Kakashi cocked an eyebrow at the brown-haired man, giving him his best leer, “worth a shot.” he said lightly to the flat look he received._

_“I take it you saw?” ah, Iruka knew him so well._

_He ‘hmm’ed’ his confirmation, “ambassador, huh?” he glance at the chuunin who nodded and they walked in silence for a couple of minutes._

_“I’ll travel to Yugakure first and receive further instructions from there,” he said slowly, “one year at least; two or even three at the most…they were hesitant to put a time frame on it…”_

_“And you leave right away,” Kakashi finished for him, keeping his tone neutral._

_“Yes,” Iruka agreed._

_Silence fell once again as they continued their walk through empty, half-finished streets arriving at Iruka’s newly finished apartment block all too soon._

_“I’ll help you pack,” Kakashi said after removing his sandals and he set about doing just that; collecting the mission pack from the chuunin’s closet._

_“Kakashi, you should be resting--you leave soon,” Iruka protested as he followed the jounin into his bedroom._

_“Not as soon as you,” he answered, already placing needed items neatly into the pack. “Besides, it’ll be a while till you’re back--may as well make the most of it.” He paused in his task to smile at the other man and he ‘tut tut-ed’ at the look on Iruka’s face._

_“What’s a year or two, right?” he went on, “sure, I’ll have no idea where you are or when you’ll be back and we won’t be able to communicate for the first year and maybe not at all…” he paused, struggling to remember the upside he’d been aiming for as Iruka stood in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest; his eyes silently laughing at him._

_“But?” the chuunin prompted, eyebrows raised._

_“On second thought,” he started, moving towards the brunette, “I might just tie you to the bed.”_

_\--_

Kakashi stood in the glare of the morning sun, his eyes staring unseeingly at the memorial stone before him.

“I messed up,” he said, at length, “did you see..?”

He tried to imagine a reply and failed. Sighing, his eye focused and travelled through the abundance of names covering the stone; resting on the ones he knew then moving onto the next. This morning he was hard pressed to give them the acknowledgement they deserved; his own problems breaking through his thoughts and pulling his attention back to his current dilemma. The jounin shook his head, trying to shake the thoughts away as his eye travelled up to rest upon two names etched into the stone; they were newer, having been added only recently.

_Uchiha Sasuke – Uzumaki Naruto_

There had been heated debates in the village over Tsunade’s decision to add them to the memorial, especially where Sasuke was concerned. Kakashi still wasn’t sure either of their names belonged here; this stone represented fallen comrades and both were alive and well.

Maybe they were well, he didn’t actually know, but they were definitely alive.

And they definitely deserved recognition for their joint defeat of Madara; Kakashi had witnessed their victory and then the main battle between his two former students that had ensued. The land on which they had fought had been forever changed--Kakashi only escaping serious injury by sheer chance.

He hoped they were well.

The raging fight had ended in stalemate, leaving the two at an impasse; whatever agreement Naruto had struck with Sasuke after that wasn’t known, not even by Kakashi. The blondes unique ability to convert finally won the day--but at a price. Naruto’s refusals to kill Sasuke or let anyone else do what he couldn’t were not an acceptable outcome to the joint leaders--Sasuke was an S-class missing-nin and no prison could hold him; there was no way in hell he’d have a chance to go free and once again, Naruto had risen above all. Now the last living Jinchuriki he offered himself, stronger by far than any four walls, seals or Shinobi, to be Sasuke’s prison. The two were in exile, no one, not even the Hokage herself knew where they were exactly and it seemed like every other day there was a new rumour, a claimed sighting.

Kakashi lifted a gloved hand; tracing the names with a finger…perhaps they belonged here after all.

\--

_“NA-RU-TO!”_

_The screeching voice turned into a frustrated howl and Kakashi effortlessly side stepped the small blonde boy as he fled down the street; his gaze not lifting from his book. It wasn’t until the second howl that his attention was brought forward and he raised his head, lazily eyeing the ranting man in the school yard. He looked younger than him and the jounin supposed he must have been tanned under the thick coat of chalk dust he was presently covered in, judging from his one hand that had escaped the powder. He continued to rant, stating exactly what the fleeing child had coming to him as he attempted to brush the chalk off himself; white puffs surrounding him as he did so. Amused, Kakashi closed his book with a snap, placing it back in his pouch as he moved to lean against the fence post; arms crossed over his chest as he studied the man._

_Clearly he was a teacher, probably in his first year if Kakashi had to guess. He observed the sensei, nodding his endorsement of the punishments the other man was plotting out loud--he was quite creative and Kakashi would definitely have to remember that last one._

_Realising he was losing the battle with the white powder, the younger man sighed, removing his hitai-ate and the tie holding up his hair and shaking it out. Streams of vapour whirled into the air and when the dust cleared Kakashi agreed with the brown colour of his hair--he hadn’t really suited the shocking white it had been previously. The copy-nin continued to watch; chuckling at the colourful language being used when the powder the man had brushed off quickly resettled onto his clothing and the teacher gave up with a growl, stomping back into the building._

_Still chortling, Kakashi pushed away from the fence; the experience having brightened his otherwise tedious afternoon._

_\--_

The sun had well and truly risen by the time Kakashi left the memorial, the village coming to life as people set about their day, children racing past him in their apparent haste to get to the academy when he entered the street. He paused in his steps, debating his destination. He could go to Ichiraku to grab a quick bite…though ramen wasn’t exactly a breakfast food and the stand probably wasn’t even open at this early hour.

He could get in quick to the missions room and –

His thoughts turned dark when he thought of a certain spiky-haired chuunin and his eyes narrowed as his three previous assignments flashed to mind.

Maybe he’d go and…train.

“Pathetic…” he muttered to himself, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Ah! You saw through my disguise!” a voice boomed from what had once been a pot plant. “I wouldn’t have expected any less of you My Esteemed Rival!” and in a swirl of green Gai materialised among the arranged foliage, teeth gleaming as he struck his good-guy pose.

“Ahhh…” Kakashi went with the black-haired man’s assumption, fixing him with a blank ‘I so totally knew you were there the whole time’ look; happy for the mask that covered his initial surprise.

He seriously needed to get a grip if Gai was succeeding in sneaking up on him.

“And such a fashionable reaction!” the other man went on, his voice, if possible, getting louder.

“…” Kakashi communicated his response with a continued blank stare; waiting for Gai to finish his array of admiration.

“—and that is why you are worthy to bear the title of the Sublime Green Beast’s number one rival!” light seemingly appeared from nowhere; back lighting the green-clad jounin as he finished his speech.

“Ma~, are you done?” Kakashi asked in a bored voice.

Gai looked momentarily put out then, as usual, bounced back within seconds, his energy tripled. “Of course!” he bellowed, falling into step with Kakashi as the latter began to walk. “Ah, your most cherished person has returned I see!” The silver-haired jounin twitched. “Your most precious, dearest and beloved Iruka!” he announced, his smile so intense Kakashi had to look away.

He could see Gai studying him from the corner of his eye, his smile temporarily turning into a frown. Kakashi resolutely kept his eye forward; quickly trying to think of another topic.

“So cool, Kakashi!” Gai rumbled, taking his silence as cool composure. “Your passionate love for your adorable partner must surely be burning bright! The past years suffering now nothing more than a fleeting remembrance on what was your coldest winter, yet now—“

Kakashi blocked out the man’s grand words, his jaw locking as the other man practically lamented his relationship to the village.

His past relationship.

That was now over.

Because of him.

The silver-hair jounin unlocked his jaw. “We broke up,” he stated bluntly; breaking off the other man’s devoted tirade.

“WHAAAAATTT?!” Gai stopped in his tracks, his eyes going wide with shock and his yell piercing.

Kakashi cringed and the people nearest the pair stopped too, their expressions alarmed. Gai appeared lost in his own world, his pose dramatic with his balled fists coming to rest under his jaw line as he stared towards the heavens letting out an unexpected and anguished cry.

\--

_Iruka had been gone exactly eight months, two weeks, four days, thirteen hours and five and a half minutes._

_Not that he was counting or anything. It was just an observation._

_Kakashi sat on a tree branch outside the academy building, legs stretched out along it as he read his book--or pretended to read his book, he hadn’t actually turned a page for quite some time. So really, he was just sitting in a tree making random observations._

_It was his spot and had been since he’d first lain eyes on a chalk covered Iruka, back in his ANBU days it became his haven, watching the chuunin deal with day to day issues of pranks and squabbling children. It was a pleasant contrast to what made up his own life and was a gentle reminder of why he did what he did._

_It was also the reason he started taking on genin teams._

_At first he convinced himself it was the future Shinobi that kept bringing him back, he was just taking an interest in the future of the village. It was partly true, but he could have done that from several other locations around the building and in time he admitted, somewhat grudgingly, that it was the chuunin that held most of his attention. The easy way he dealt with the people around him, his patience with the children and then his easy to call on temper. Iruka wore every emotion on a daily basis, the complete opposite of him._

_And in the chuunin’s absence Kakashi continued his tradition of watching over the yet-to-be genins--feeling closer to the man by being here. He got light ribbing and knowing glances from his fellows as they came and went from the building but he was otherwise left to his devices; so when he heard approaching footsteps and the quiet call of his name he was surprised._

_“Kakashi-san?”_

_Deftly swinging down from his tree, Kakashi raised his hand in greeting. “Yo,” he said, trying to remember the speaker’s name. Na-something. She was the transfer teacher taking over for Iruka--he was pretty sure they’d been formally introduced at some point._

_She smiled, “you sit there a lot,” ah, he wasn’t the only one making observations today.  “I only noticed because my class is right there,” she pointed unnecessarily behind her, still smiling._

_“Ma~, I guess I do,” he granted._

_They smiled politely at one another before the golden-haired woman broke the silence, “I was just about to have lunch, would you like to join me?”_

_\--_

Kakashi slouched into his apartment; Gai’s shriek still ringing in his ears. He’d tried to snap the other jounin out of it to no avail so he had simply left him there, screaming melodramatically in the street.

Although in all honesty he hadn’t really tried that hard.

Shrugging off his vest, Kakashi tossed it onto an armchair before slumping onto the couch. The clock ticked loudly from the opposite wall and he glared at it a moment then reached for his reading material; pulling it awkwardly from his pouch. He didn’t open the book, but slipped a piece of paper from between the pages and slowly unfolded it.

Once open, he re-aimed his glare onto the crumbled sheet.

The Decision hadn’t been an easy one by any stretch of the imagination and he certainly hadn’t made it overnight. The first inkling he’d had that he might have had a change of heart when it came to carrying on the Hatake line was the first time he met Asuma and Kurenai’s daughter. She’d been oh-so-tiny and the perfect mixture of her parents. Kurenai, despite everything, had been simply glowing in awe of her daughter. He’d gone to the memorial after that, sharing his thoughts on baby Yasuragi with the stone and his sadness for the loss of her Father. That was the moment where, unbeknown to him, the idea had first taken seed. From there it grew and it seemed everyone had the same notion for within months people were bursting with news that they or their partner were expecting--civilians and Shinobi alike taking advantage of the peaceful times and before he knew it Kakashi himself was imagining a life that included tiny Hatake children. The entire village was moving on, making new connections and strengthening their ties to the future. That’s how it started. He didn’t think about turning his thoughts into action, it was a daydream he had occasionally, letting it play out and then he moved on with real life.

It didn’t truly become alive for him until Sakura had returned from a mission in Iwagakure. She’d been sent as a medical advisor along with a four man team to help their ailing Tsuchikage and had handled the assignment flawlessly. Their team had been on route back to Konoha when they’d been accosted by bandits; rouge ninja not ready to face a world of peace. They’d struck hard and fast, injuring three of the four jounins accompanying her and taking the forth hostage as they made their demands. The pink-haired woman had single-handedly saved her team; not only healing the wounded but fighting with knowledge well beyond her years and creating an opportunity for her captive companion to escape. She had grown into her own, handling the situation with calm determination and true ninja spirit--she was now a Kunoichi to be reckoned with.

Of course he had been proud of his former student and when he had sought her out to express it he happened across her parents, inadvertently witnessing their reunion with their triumphant daughter; seeing them, their faces so elated was what tipped the scale. The bond of parent and child an indescribable and heartening connection that he was suddenly shown he lacked.

His daydreams turned into ‘what ifs’, the ‘what ifs’ turned into ‘if I did’ and then he’d written The List.

Kakashi’s glare intensified and he gripped the paper.

The List…it had been easy at the time, writing down reasons for and against The Decision. He’d spent a week listing all of them and religiously checked it for another week after that so he could examine and analyse the motives behind each one. He kept it hidden in his copy of Icha Icha, bringing it out in times of doubt to reassure himself; carrying it around as a reminder of how he’d come to make The Decision.

Now, as he read through The List, Kakashi couldn’t fathom how he’d arrived at his choice. All his careful discerning of his new found want was written out decisively; there was clear purpose behind each word, yet none of it matched his current disposition. It was as if another Kakashi had written it all out, duty and family lineage now empty, meaningless words, his now or never frame of mind that had been so imperative to The Decision nowhere to be found. The motives and emotion behind the words he’d written barely broke through to him; peace and everything he thought it altered falling away. How could he have possibly thought these meaningless words could even come a close second to what he had? Their relationship was the best thing in his life, he still wasn’t entirely sure how he’d managed to trick the chuunin into falling for him in the first place. He certainly hadn’t followed the carefully laid out plan he’d agonised over, yet somehow they’d reached the desired outcome. It was unimaginable that this would outweigh the life he and Iruka had built and shared. And when the hell had he let obligation override his life, his feelings--letting it dictate his future. None of it equalled let alone overshadowed Iruka and everything the chuunin meant to Kakashi.

How had an unknown future life won out over a person who meant everything to him?

\--

_The eleventh time Naoko invited him to join her for lunch Kakashi accepted. It was clear that the woman was interested in him; she didn’t exactly go out of her way to hide the fact which was why he’d repeatedly declined. Now however, the teacher wasn’t the only one with ulterior motives belying their friendly lunch. They muddled through with small talk, Naoko nattering on about school life and her students while Kakashi just and barely held back his sharp corrections over just whose students they were. Instead, he nodded and agreed in all the right places, making an effort to seem interested in what she had to say though in reality he was just waiting for his cue._

_After the meal was finished and paid for they said their thanks before exiting the restaurant; walking back towards the academy._

_“Would you like to do this again, Kakashi-san?” ah, there is was._

_Smiling Kakashi paused as if considering her offer, “Actually, I was thinking the same thing,” he said, word for word of what he’d planned, “I have a…proposal of sorts I’d like to run by you.”_

_Naoko looked momentarily taken aback but she smiled after a beat, “of course.”_

_As per his plan Naoko arrived promptly at 8pm the following Friday; he took his time as he made his way to the door, sweeping one last glance over his apartment then approving, he opened the door._

_“Good evening, Naoko-sensei.”_

_“Good evening,” the golden-haired woman greeted back, stepping over the threshold and removing her shoes._

_The jounin lead her to the kitchen table, also part of his plan. The low lying table in his living room seemed too personal for someone he barely knew, even given what he was about to ask of her. He set two cups of steaming tea onto the table and sat opposite her, pushing one of the cups toward her._

_“Thank you,” she said, accepting the offered tea and politely taking a sip. “It’s a nice pl—“_

_“About my proposal,” he cut her off, “it may seem arbitrary and forward under the circumstances, but I have given this a great deal of thought and would like you to do the same please.”_

_Naoko sat up a little straighter at his abruptness and set her cup down on the table before nodding for the silver-haired man to continue, her gaze showing he had her full attention._

\--

The neatly written words mocked him, the black ink of each letter insulting and painful. They were his words, his reasons, his rationalisations.

And it was all bullshit.

The deceptively casual way he’d pitted obligation and duty against Iruka, the ridiculous way in which he had rationalised it to himself, even the way he had used Naoko’s feeling for him to his advantage – it was all bullshit. He tried in vain to remember a moment when it all made sense and came up short. He’d been second guessing The Decision since he’d made it, that’s why he’d taken to carrying The List with him. With each and every doubt that plagued him he would re-read it, the words somehow reassuring him yet now they did nothing to placate him; instead driving his insecurities to breaking point.

Kakashi took a deep, calming breath and studied the paper once more.

It was peace time. That reason was faultless. If there was ever going to be a time to have children, that time was now and it was backed up by the increasingly growing number of children born in the past few months alone.

Now or never. Again, peace related more than anything else. Maybe age related too, he sure wasn’t getting any younger and he was certain that if he didn’t do this now, he honestly never would.

Links. After all, that was what had initially tipped it for him, the unbreakable bond and connection shared with offspring was clearly something he was lacking…

Legacy. Carrying on the name, there wasn’t much to back that one up, at least no reasons he’d ever cared for.

Duty. Ditto.

His eye skimmed down likewise words and reasoning before switching to a name scrawled neatly at the bottom of the sheet.

Iruka.

The name stood out boldly from the page, perhaps owing to the fact that Kakashi had traced over the letters several times, or as he preferred, it was because the name was the most important on The List.

A sudden knock on his door may as well have been a charka blast it was so loud, breaking his contemplation with a jolt. Kakashi hastily folded The List, sliding it back into the book then pocketed it as he stood.

Another knock followed before he made it to the door then a voice shouted at him.

“Stop sulking and get out here!”

Genma, then. Shaking his head, Kakashi opened the door, his usual bored expression and slouch falling into place with practiced ease.

“Can I help you with something?” he asked blandly.

Genma glared, “no,” he began, his tone impatient, “but Iruka could really do with some right now.”

Kakashi’s disposition changed in an instant, his back straightening and his visible eye narrowing. “What happened?” he questioned, already moving back into his apartment to retrieve his vest, returning to the doorway before Genma replied.

“Your _friend_ ,” the word was ground out, “has taken it upon himself to repair your ‘truest and most magnificent love connection’ and yes,” Genma went on, senbon twitching, “those were his exact words.”

Annoyance radiated from the other man and Kakashi’s mind jarred a moment at the unexpected information, his initial concern fading slightly.

“What?” he said blankly.

The other jounin’s glare intensified, “Gai is wooing Iruka on your behalf,” he snapped, “You need to call him off before he traumatizes Iruka anymore than he already has.”

Kakashi stared, half hoping the other man would crack a smile to let him in on the joke but the glare continued.

“…right,” he said finally, finger scratching just below his temple, “okay, then…” he hesitated in the doorway, shifting his weight from foot to foot as he processed the strange turn of events and tried to formulate a plan that didn’t involve heaping additional embarrassment onto Iruka…or himself for that matter.

Really, he should have known his rival would pull something like this--he was seriously off his game today.

Without further ado he and Genma took off towards the offices and more specifically the mission assignment room and by the time they reached it Kakashi’s hastily thought of plan was fully formed. They perched themselves on the tree branch outside the window and stared in, taking stock of the situation inside.

Iruka had his back to them as he sat ram-rod straight in his seat, a clear agitated twitch travelling through his entire frame as Gai--oblivious as ever, enacted a theatrical version of what Kakashi thought was supposed to be their imagined reunion. The two chuunin’s on either side of Iruka were shaking with suppressed laughter and a small crowd of jounin and chuunin were gathered in the doorway, that group not bothering to hide their amusement.

“— do not fear for our bond, it is and always will be the most precious and prized entity; closet to my heart than any other, you shall not be forsaken!” Gai was proclaiming, looking to an imaginary Iruka then the green clad jounin turned, taking on the other persona.

“Your words have soothed my wounded soul,” he simpered, his tender gaze sickening, “you’re benevolent presence has made me whole again, bringing my world to a stop an—“

A well-aimed, charka infused stamp cut off Gai’s sentence, hitting his cheek with a loud smack and leaving a blistering red circle in its wake before it fell to the floor with a dull thud. The black-haired man’s expression was one of comical confusion for a spilt second before he smiled cautiously.

Kakashi switched his gaze to the rising form of Iruka as the chuunin stood shakily, his rage barely containable and the assembled crowd dispersed in the blink of an eye. Even Izumo and Kotetsu edged away from the silently trembling man.

Uh-oh.

“Gai…sensei,” Iruka managed in a tightly controlled voice, his eyes cast downward and his fists balled at his sides.

“Yes, Iruka-sensei?” Kakashi cringed at the over bright tone the jounin used, he clearly didn’t comprehend the danger he was in and was stupidly moving towards the chuunin.

Moving quickly, the Copy-nin belatedly put his plan into action, swooping into the room via the window and landing softly behind Gai.

“Yo,” he said causally, his eye trained on Iruka as he brought a hand up to rest on the other jounin’s shoulder. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Gai turn to look at him but his attention was focused on the chuunin who jerked almost violently at his appearance, though his gaze never wavered from the floor.

“Kakashi!” Gai’s greeting reverberated through the missions’ room, “My eternal—“

“I challenge you to a race through The Forest of Death!” Kakashi declared in a falsely severe voice, the exact voice he knew would make his so-called rival take him seriously.

Apart from Gai, who was now crying manly tears of excitement, the room around him deadpanned at his words and even Iruka sagged in his rage, lifting his eyes to stare dumbfounded at him.

Even geniuses had their off days, he thought defensively--it wasn’t the best plan but he’d been on the clock!

Now that he was face to face with Iruka, no wall between them and holding his full, if a little astonished, attention he suddenly realised unthought-of implications of The Decision.

Iruka was back.

Kakashi’s eye bored into the brunette’s brown ones, blocked emotions unfurling within him and had the chuunin not looked away at that precise moment he was sure he would have grabbed him instead of the still snivelling jounin.

“I’ll…take this,” he muttered, leaving the way he came and dragging Gai along with him.

Iruka was home.

\--

_Kakashi sat stiffly at the low lying table in his living room, Naoko across from him as they worked through the final adjustments of the contract. The teacher seemed at ease as she read through the re-worked agreement, nodding in places and making little notes on the scroll beside her. It was far from her initial reaction to the first daft where she had sputtered incoherently, stuttering out objections left and right. Perhaps it had been his blunt wording, or the limitations he’d set out regarding the nature of their ‘relationship’ --either way the contract had been redone from the original no less than three times; Naoko adding her own two-sense to their future life._

_It hadn’t been altered much really, Kakashi had clear set boundaries and he wasn’t willing to compromise nearly as much as the golden-haired woman would have liked but he did make a few exemptions. Such as the front they would present to the world at large; he would have been more than okay to let the truth be what it was--in fact he thought it more believable--but Naoko had been particularly strong-minded about that one. Above all else that concession had made him uneasy. It still did._

_Actually, all the concessions, big and small didn’t sit well with him. Kakashi knew it was selfish to think he could dictate the terms and conditions of a shared life but it didn’t stop him from thinking it none the less. He’d shot down so many of the woman’s concepts it was a wonder she was still willing._

_That made him uneasy too._

_Why was she prepared to give up a true future to live a false one with him; baring a child to a man who held no love for her and as he had plainly stated, never would?_

_He sighed inwardly; it was ridiculous for him to be pondering these things now. The time for doubt was over, they had systematically gone over every detail of the deal and it was looking like this one would cut it--he knew her motives and she knew his._

_Unfortunately, Kakashi also knew the answer to his former questions; knew it in the manner that it was something he had been denying, or maybe simply choosing not to focus on. But he knew it. And now that the pieces were finally falling into place and his plan was turning into reality--he couldn’t hide from it._

_Naoko’s underlying hope. She hid it well with polite assurances and practical words; it could be feasible that she was even fooling herself. But Naoko wasn’t fooling Kakashi. Despite all her guarantees he just_ knew _that underneath it all she held hope for a true relationship between them one day._

_“Everything looks in order,” Naoko said, breaking his chain of thought, “bar for…” she scanned the page in her hand. “Ah, section C1-8?” she tucked a wayward strand of golden hair behind her ear as she met his eye, “the living arrangements?”_

_Kakashi leaned forward, eyeing his own copy as he pretended to scan for the article in question--he knew exactly which part the teacher was referring to._

_“Your apartment and the main house?” she prompted, “I saw in section C1-1 that construction is almost complete but then C1-3 mentions you’ll be retaining your apartment for living purposes?”_

_Kakashi’s eye curved up as he smiled, “Yes, I don’t see any point to living in the main house until an heir is born,” he stated, knowing full well that she already knew this and had questioned it before. “You are free to move in when the rebuilding is complete, as specified.” Means to an end, he thought means to an end--it wasn’t the first time he’d used the mantra and almost instantly he chastised himself for it._

_Self-regarding thoughts about what they were entering into, what he had requested of her; no matter how true to his feelings they were, held no place now._

_“—en, and we can have it approved.” Harada hadn’t noticed his space out and was still talking when he tuned back in, Kakashi giving a quick nod to whatever it was she was saying. “I think that’s the business end done for now then.”_

_He nodded, “I guess so.”_

_“I’ll sign these as soon as they’ve been looked ov-“_

_A knock at the door drowned out her words and after a puzzled stare Kakashi stood swiftly, shuffling towards the door at a leisurely pace; quietly happy for the interruption._

_Swinging it open the sight that greeted him was enough to take his breath away, a sharp hum flowing through him with his surprise, “Iruka.”_

_And then he was on the chuunin, kissing, nipping and holding him as he pushed the other man to the wall, coming up for air then diving straight back in, sprawling kisses wherever he could reach._

_“Kakashi,” the brunette moaned and the jounin increased his dedication to Iruka’s collarbone as missed hands treaded into his silver hair._

_“Kakashi-san?”_

_The call sent alarm bells ringing in his head and it took him a moment too long to remember why that would be. He slumped heavily against the wall, Iruka trapped between his arms and he breathed shallowly, unable to look up._

_“I’m sorry,” he managed in a tight whisper, “I’m sorry Iruka.”_

_This can’t be happening._

_“Sorry?” he heard Iruka’s confused voice, then Naoko’s firmer one, “Kakashi-san? Who is it?” None of your business, his mind screamed but it was too late; he felt the other man tense and he pushed himself away, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so_ fucking _sorry Iruka.” He babbled out as he retreated, pulling up his mask._

_Fuckfuckfuckfuck—_

_“Naoko-sensei,” Iruka’s voice was more of a rasp when he spoke and Kakashi’s chest constricted at the sound while his mind faltered at the chuunin’s recognition._

_Had they met?_

_The golden-haired woman was greeting him warmly and it took all of Kakashi’s self-control not to physically halt her words, Iruka had already made the connection and—_

_Their eyes met, Iruka flinching away before he inarticulately made his excuses; Kakashi started forwards but was only left to stare after the chuunin as he turned away and unsteadily made his way down the corridor._

_“Iruka-sensei?” he heard Naoko call the other man distantly, his own heartbeat drumming in his ears making her voice seem far off. His view was suddenly dulled, his chest uncomfortably tight and when Naoko addressed him he couldn’t hold the anger from his voice when he replied._

_“I’m going, be gone when I get back.”_

_He didn’t even turn to see her reaction to his possibly unwarranted aggression, already partway down the hall, intent on his pursuit._

_What the fuck just happened?_

_\--_

How the fuck did this happen?

Kakashi slipped awkwardly into the third floor window of the tower and, having propelled himself with more than necessary charka force, skidded slightly across the floor before landing in a crouch.

An annoyingly persistent voice in his mind told him this was his own damn fault--he chose to ignore it.

Walking the few steps back to the window, the jounin looked out and down upon the super-sized tigers as they roared uselessly below.

That had been close. The beasts were far more tenacious than he remembered them to be and had been on his tail for the last two kilometres of his journey. He changed his focus to the torn sleeve of his upper arm--they were also quicker.

Posture slumping, Kakashi turned and rapidly made his way through doors and down empty corridors until he was looking out to the opposite side of the tower, quickly checking the coast was clear before leaping downwards. He caught himself effortlessly on a high tree branch, rounding it once then landed for a beat.

No time to place blame, he thought wryly, he had a race to win.

He took off, bounding from tree to tree; he severely hoped the tigers hadn’t cost him much time--defeat today, of all days, would be more than he could bear. He’d already been caught off guard, publically humiliated and now found himself in an all-out race through The Forest of Death because—

No, no need to point the finger.

Gai couldn’t be too far ahead even if the tigers had slowed him down and there was nothing to say the other jounin hadn’t run into trouble of his own. He reduced his speed by a margin, widening his senses and reaching out to feel if his rival was close by.

Nothing.                                                     

Huh, Kakashi gave a mental shrug, maybe the louder than ever man was masking his signature. That’d be a change.

He picked up his pace again, moving almost silently through the ancient trees and thick foliage, his thoughts turning to a certain brown-haired chuunin.

He couldn’t explain why it had hit him when it had, the realisation that Iruka was home. He knew intellectually that the man was back, had seen him several times even, but right there in that moment it clicked into place. He was _home._ He was back where he belonged and would remain here, going about familiar duties and the like. He wasn’t in a far off land, unattainable to him and seemingly lost.

_He was home._

Only…

He wasn’t. Iruka, for the past four, though probably more, years had been Kakashi’s home and vice versa. It wasn’t something recommended or something you sought out as a Shinobi; to anchor yourself to something, someone so closely that living without the other simply didn’t work. Of course relationships were highly encouraged, having an attachment to your land other than duty was of the upmost importance to ninja--especially as you climb the ranks, but there were relationships and then there were _relationships._

The thing that had been brought to his attention today was the shocking realisation that after that first fateful night Iruka had returned, the night where The Decision had crumbed to the ground, their home had been broken.

Iruka was back and had readily returned home to him only to be unexpectedly shown that his home no longer existed and now it lay shattered between them, lost, gone--ruined.

The landscape momentarily cleared of trees and Kakashi deftly hopped across large fragmented rock sticking upwards from the ground, increasing his charka to his feet as he jumped from the last one and into the cover of trees again.

How did he not see this coming? Genius he was proclaimed to be, how had he never envisioned this consequence? Through all his careful planning and deliberations he had never once considered losing Iruka. He’d been on The List so clearly; somewhere in his delusional mind he’d known it as a possibility.

An old and overused metaphor came to mind--something about cake-- but the jounin clamped it down before it could fully form.

He was a long way off genius it seemed.

His actions had lost him his home.  There was no foreseeable way of fixing this; he couldn’t go back now…

New hurt expanded within him at his thoughts and Kakashi let it unfold, it was no use, he’d well and truly messed this up.

He had made his bed, now he had to lie in it.

The silver-haired man slipped a few inches on the thick branch as he landed, balancing after a moment then frowning at the metaphor he hadn’t been fast enough to squash. He shook his head; he really _was_ off his game today.

Preparing to spring off, Kakashi made the necessary movements but didn’t budge, his feet still stuck firmly to the branch and he shot a confused gaze at his feet.

Oh for the love of—

_Fuck, fuck, motherfucking, fuck._

Kakashi rebuked his lack of attention, the curses running through his mind falling from his lips as he glared at the so-called branch he had landed on and more importantly his feet; watching as they slowly disappeared, sinking despite his efforts.

Taking a breath, Kakashi pushed through his annoyance enough to channel his charka, trying to break free. He willed his legs upwards, using his gathered charka for leverage, trying to create a barrier yet he sank further still.

_Fucking oversized Otoshiana-worms._

It became all too clear that his current mode of action wasn’t working, his knees now vanishing into the slimy depths of the worm and the rate he was sinking increasing with his struggles. Thinking fast the jounin weighed his options, clearly physical attacks were out, least he try and end up with an arm getting sucked into the giant mass. Chidori was probably excessive but something along those lines…

“Hmm…” Fire should do nicely--it might still be slight overkill but it would definitely work.

Doing the appropriate seals Kakashi felt his charka gather and he brought his hand up to his mouth, expelling it as flames along the branch-coloured creature wrapped snuggling around the tree and beyond to where he imagined the head of the beast was. It would be cruel not to kill it.

The blaze encompassed the length and the flesh around his legs began to quake as he finished the ninjutsu. The bulk didn’t melt as he expected it to, instead the quaking grew and Kakashi knew what was going to happen a spilt second before it did, but the second wasn’t enough for him to prepare for what happened next.

At the height of the quaking, the worm gave a great shudder, its body sucking in on itself then expanding in the same beat and a loud, sickening squelching sound accompanied the movements as the worm exploded with amazing force.

Kakashi had no choice but to move with the explosion, sailing upwards in the air unable to dodge the nauseatingly warm and slimy liquid the creature had been reduced to as it splattered him from all fronts.

That annoying voice in his head muttered something about karma.

Landing carefully on the soft forest floor, Kakashi flicked his arms out, dislodging as much of the substance as he could before wiping it off his face and shaking his hair out; stomach-turning splashes echoing in the woods as he did.

He’d never been so thankful for his mask in his life; the thin cover had stopped the matter getting into the most important places at least and he thanked whatever god was applicable.

However, the thanks had barely passed through his mind when he felt a wet solid mass smack loudly against the top of his head and slowly slide down his back. He turned abruptly, shaking the thing off as he did and despite himself jumped at the sight that greeted him.

A fleshy and oozing lump lay on the ground, a mouth clearly discernible as it trembled and slithered in place. It was quite possibly the grossest thing the jounin had ever seen and that was saying a lot.

And it had touched him.

Kakashi twitched with revulsion, taking back his earlier thanks and sending promises of bodily harm to the universe instead. Turning from the revolting spectacle he took a minute to determine his location, and the correct direction he should be heading, and then took off again; his need to get out of this forest now fuelled by more than the want to simply win.

The fragments of light that had been breaking through the high trees were now completely gone and Kakashi was beginning to think he’d somehow made a wrong turn. The forest wasn’t thinning any as he moved yet he knew he must be close to the outer edges. His clothes stuck to him unpleasantly, the juices drying in places and in others only managing to get wetter as he went; every movement he made was accompanied by sludge-like noises and uncomfortable pinches. He’d had to stop every now and then to pull the mask from his face as it dried painfully against skin, readjusting it into more acceptable positions. The silver-haired man revisited his earlier brief thought of summoning his ninken, giving it serious consideration this time round. The last thing he wanted was to admit to the possibility of being lost but any longer and his pride could go to hell--he _really_ wanted out of this damn forest and just when he gave in, pausing to turn thought into action, he saw it--the welcoming sight of the high fence line through a gap in the greenery, moonlight glinting off it and creating a kind of beckon for him.

Thank fuck for that.

It was still metres away but it was there, the end was in sight and the trees before him thinned out with each leap. Kakashi swung down into a clearing, only a smattering of trees separating him from getting out of this place and he set a speedy pace before jumping onto the final hurdle—

At least, that had been the plan. What actually happened was that he moved to make the jump and was suddenly and violently thrown sideways; sharp pain bursting at his side and an unmistakable crunching snap of what was possibly a broken rib or at the very least a nasty fracture. The jounin twisted, skidding backwards into a fighting stance and slipped his hitae-ate up; eyes boring into his attacker.

He did a double take.

Was that a _cow_?!

Kakashi’s eyes widened as the overgrown cow, or some derivative of a cow, tore at the earth with sharp clawed feet; its fang-like teeth bared and dripping wetly. The thing reared its head, displaying frighteningly viscous looking tusks, its glinting red eyes settling on him, ready to charge. Recognition flashed through his mind--he’d never actually come across this creature but had heard tales of it from many of his fellows who had unanimously dubbed it the ‘ANBU devil cow’.

He could see why.

The beast radiated menace, a chilling intelligence showing in its beady eyes and Kakashi froze in place, certain the tiniest of movements would set it off.

It just wasn’t his fucking day, was it?

Hundreds of strategies formed in his head and he discarded them one after another; fatigue overcoming his tired mind and he failed to come up with a suitable plan of action.

As if sensing his weakness, the devil cow surged forwards with surprising speed and Kakashi found himself on the defensive, moving with just enough haste to stay ahead and not get hit by the many natural weapons the beast wielded. His efforts were slowed by the slush casing his body and he was forced to use extra charka to steady his movements. After a few minutes a half-cocked plan formed in his mind as he continued to dodge, it wasn’t the surest and it definitely had its disadvantages but it just might work. He weaved a path closer to the trees, taking care not to move one way too far as he lured the cow closer. He flipped, rolled and landed; sending kunai flying then changed direction again and he heard them ping uselessly off the beast’s armoured hide.

Definitely the fabled ANBU devil cow.

Kakashi made his final move backwards, letting himself slide a few feet as the animal zoomed toward him, then with inches to spare he leapt, momentarily airborne before be spun back down landing squarely on the devil cows hind, a safe distance from tusks and teeth. As expected the brute bucked wildly beneath him, turning in tight circles and Kakashi slid back and forth without control; the sludge making his job that much harder. Before the cow could succeed Kakashi implemented the next step of his strategy; amassing charka in his hand, visible sparks dancing and the air around it blurring with heat. The jounin took aim and was on the cusp of firing when the seething cow lurched straight ahead, hurtling toward a large tree. Off-balance, Kakashi propelled his Chidori almost blindly at its head, waiting till he felt the beast buck, then he launched himself with it. Unfortunately the demon cow collided with the solid trunk at the same moment and for the second time that day the silver-haired man found himself thrown uncontrollably into the air. He tried to roll into it, but the force drove him high and far, arms and legs flailing as he breached the tree-line and started to free fall. Kakashi braced for impact, still unable to manipulate the rate, or direction, at which he was flying and hoped like hell he landed far, _far_ away from that Malevolent Devil Incarnate Cow of Doom.

He landed with an almost epic splash, a substance heavier than water arching above him and more of the unknown liquid lapping at his sides; Kakashi vaguely thought of it as lucky before the fluid his landing had thrown into the air came sloping back down on top of him, smacking harshly against his face.

Thick and foul smelling mud surrounded him, encased him, and the jounin fumed silently at the world from his position; his body ached and throbbed, face stinging from where the muck had hit.

He knew he shouldn’t, that really, it was just asking for it, tempting fate, but before he could stop himself the thought had already run through his mind.

_It can’t get any worse than this._

_Oh yes it can_ , the universe replied instantaneously in the form of Mighty Gai who now stood over him, his bold face set in shock and disbelief as he stared down at him in the dim light and it didn’t end there. As Kakashi focused on the man looking down at him his senses started working again and muted voices sounded from the distance; _a lot_ of muted voices. Their impromptu contest had attracted an audience.

There wasn’t a swearword foul enough to describe his current mood.

Gai’s mouth worked silently, opening and closing as he struggled to form words and Kakashi cringed at the odd sniffing noise the other man was making between tries.

Biting down a groan as he went, the mud-covered jounin fought his way to his feet and out of the quicksand-like mud pit, stumbling two or three steps before righting himself and once upright Kakashi gazed through the mud at his rival; doing his best nonchalant pose.

“You win,” he said in a causally bored tone, it came out slightly rough but otherwise as intended.

Gai’s lower lip was trembling, his dark eyes shining suspiciously and his gaze unwavering.

“Ma~—“

“K-Kakashi…” the green clothed ninja finally spoke, his tone rich with emotion, “My Rival, you…” Gai looked down suddenly, his fists clenching then he brought one arm up and punched the air above him dramatically, “I have failed you!” he grieved, eyes downcast. “My mind was clouded by my own desires, my thirst to challenge you!” his fist shook, “and now, I have dishonourably beaten you--foolishly accepting your challenge when I knew your weakened state!” he slowly looked up to meet Kakashi’s eye, tears flowing freely down his stricken face. “My Rival--forgive me!” And with that Mighty Gai threw himself down onto all fours, his face less than an inch from the ground.

Kakashi stared at Gai’s lowered form, his exhaustion tripling, “ma~, its fine, you won fair and—“

“No!” The other jounin hit back from his position, “I have taken advantage and wrongly benefited from your heartbreak!”

“--square, I got distracted tha—“

“I have sullied my ninja way!”

“--ts all. You shouldn’t—“

“Racing you when your heart is aching so—“

“--take it so—“

“--pining all the while for your treasured lover—“

“--seriously—“

“--torn apart by distance and now—“

“--it was just—“

“--so lost neither of you know how to find your way home!”

“A RACE! IT WAS JUST A DAMN RACE!!” Kakashi’s yell reverberated, carrying over the land and coming back again to echo in his head.

_Fuck it._

The muted voices from earlier gained in noise and Gai looked up sharply, his expression sombre but Kakashi was already walking away, his will keeping him from hunching at the piercing ache in his ribs. He was not even close to the right frame of mind to be dealing with Gai’s eccentricity right now and the man’s words stung more than he cared to admit.

“Kakashi,” the seriousness of Gai’s voice stopped him and at the same moment a strong hand rested on his shoulder. He opened his mouth to pacify the other man’s worry but before the words made it passed his lips wind swished up around him and the familiar tug of the transportation jutsu carried him to an unknown place.

An overly bright room materialized around him and Gai’s firm grip on his shoulder lessened then pushed down, forcing Kakashi to sit on an unseen chair and the jounin didn’t have the energy to resist. He sat heavily, aches and pains accompanying the action. Then the black-haired man was suddenly there, invading his personal space as his hands swept over him, hovering over his ribs then continuing his inspection. He worked in silence, preforming minor healing jutsu’s every now and then while Kakashi simply sat there, his body and brain sluggish.

A slow humming sting told him Gai was repairing his injured ribs and he blinked as the pain was reduced then disappeared completely, the remaining discomfort only strain and exhaustion. Green vanished from his view and Kakashi heard the tell-tale sound of a shower turning on. He opened his mouth to protest, he could shower at home, but solid hands gripped him, manoeuvring him into the modest bathroom then Gai was gone, leaving him to it.

His earlier protest died as the smell emanating from him became apparent in the cleansing scented bathroom and he turned to the mirror, blanching at his reflection. He barely recognized himself under the thick coating of mud and worm-sludge. His normally silver hair drooped heavily under the substance and his mask was caked with quick drying mud, he wondered vaguely how he was managing to breathe through the thing. The Konoha symbol on his forehead protector was hidden under the same muck and he absently rubbed at it, incrusted muck flaking off as he did so.

He stripped off with difficulty, the material of his uniform reluctant to unstick from his skin--he honestly wasn’t sure the clothes would be wearable again.

Finally under the warm spray, Kakashi scrubbed at his skin, the water pooling at his feet swirling a disgusting dark brown, bordering on black. When he got to his hair chunks of what he assumed to be worm fell with dull plops that he didn’t care to look at and when nothing but water sounded he deemed it safe. The jounin plucked a shampoo container off the shelf and gave it a cautious sniff, knowing Gai it was bound to be a sickening fruity scent the man constantly claimed gave him youthful bounce and Kakashi was consequently relieved by the clean musky smell and heaped a decent amount into his hand then lathered it into his hair.

After a total of three hair washes and five body scrubs Kakashi finally felt clean and he shut off the water, peering round the tortoise dotted shower curtain for a towel, and spotted one instantly.

“Gah,” the silver-haired man reached for the neon pink towel reluctantly and stepped out of the shower, spying a clean uniform folded neatly on top of the hamper as he did. He dried off quickly and discarded the towel before picking up the clothing for inspection, surprise appearing in his features.

The clothes were his, a complete uniform par for the vest and the other man had even had the sense of mind to put a fresh mask amongst it--a gesture he greatly appreciated. He dressed as quickly as his body would allow and noted belatedly that his sodden clothes had been removed and the patch of floor they had lain on was now as shiny clean as the rest.

Gai was such a freak.

Steeling himself, Kakashi exited the bathroom, his thankfulness overcoming his desire to flee and he walked resolutely into the living area; Gai was in the process of bagging what he assumed to be his ruined clothing, a mask of his own covering his face and sturdy bright yellow gloves on his hands. Kakashi rolled his eyes.

The over cleanly jounin nodded to him, perhaps in approval of his fresh and unsoiled appearance then tied the bag tightly, reached for another bag and did the same then set it by the door.

“Thanks,” Kakashi said as the other man removed the mask and gloves, careful to only touch the tips then the black-haired man double bagged them too.

“I made tea,” Gai said with an abnormally subdued smile, motioning to the steaming cups on the bench and Kakashi frowned at him.

“Why so serious?” he asked, moving to accept the cup and inwardly sighing at the lively orange colour of it. He’d much rather be faced with Gai’s overbearing personality then his solemn quietness. It was far more disturbing when Gai made sense.

The other jounin watched him, his eyes all too knowing and with the same subdued air; his unobtrusive gaze unnerving.

“I’m fine,” Kakashi tried, shrugging, “just a little off my game today, is all.”

“Kakashi,” Gai started, his deep baritone voice calm, “a blind bunny could sense the turmoil within you and I, your Eternal Rival, can see it as plain as a multiple trap jutsu. There’s no need to hide your true feelings here.”

“Ah…”

“Your prized bond has been wrenched apart; what caused this? Is it Iruka--does he no longer hold you in his heart?”

Gai was watching him expectantly and Kakashi looked down, unable to hold his inquiring gaze and he stared into his cup. He hoped he was still in Iruka’s heart, hoped that the other man hadn’t closed it off to him.

“…it’s complicated,” he said finally and jerked at Gai’s sudden bark-like laugh.

“But of course! All love is complicated!” he said, his normal character shining through in his gleaming smile, “But that doesn’t mean all is lost!” he set his cup down, grin widening. “I will make it my personal mission,” he planted his feet firmly on the floor, eyes sparkling, “to reconnect you to your cherished Iruka!” his good-Gai pose was in full force when he finished and Kakashi rubbed at his temple, silently wishing he’d fled when he had the chance.

“It’s too late,” Kakashi said, frowning in surprise at his resigned tone and he meet the dark-haired man’s eyes, “I messed up and…it’s done.” his shoulders slumped as he said the words and his already fatigued body felt ten times heavier.

Gai seemed locked in his pose, the heroic smile slipping from his face.

“But surely…” the smile flickered back and forth from Gai’s face as he had some sort of internal struggle then it reappeared brighter than before, “Iruka is a forgiving man, certainly he will forgive you!” he thundered.

The Copy-nin stayed suspiciously hushed in reply to the other man’s words and the Green Beast slowly wilted, his eyes staring unbelievingly at him.

“No…” Gai whispered harshly, his eyes wide with dawning disbelief, “Kakashi, you…you didn’t?” his tone raised several octaves through his question and his thick eyebrows drew downwards as he shook his head, vehemently trying to deny his assumption.

“You _betrayed_ him?!” the look he sent Kakashi was one of incredulous horror.

“Yes,” the silver-haired jounin conceded, Gai’s undisguised dismay aiding his own emotions; finally, he was seeing the true response to his actions and he braced himself to finally hear what he felt he deserved.

“Kakashi…you are not the man I thought you were,” the other jounin said, his emotional voice barely above a whisper. “What have you done? Broken something so true, and pure--for what? For the feel of flesh, for a moment’s pleasure?”

Kakashi winced at his choice of words and steeled himself further as he took a seat at the table and began his explanation, starting with The List and going from there. He stared at everything but Gai as he poured out the entire story, his voice gaining emotion the more he spoke; telling the other man becoming therapeutic. His voice lowered when he got to the night Iruka arrived and what occurred after the fact and he ended his retelling with the conversation he’d had with the chuunin that morning. Kakashi didn’t look up when he finished, his gaze seeing through the floor as he focused on the past and silence hung in the air for a long time, when he finally did glance up it was to find Gai sitting across from him, a deep frown marring his face.

“…you really did mess up,” the other jounin said into the silence, shaking his head and leaning back to rest against the chair. Emotions played quickly across his features and Kakashi couldn’t quite keep up as the other man mulled over his story, his mind working rapidly.

“Yeah,” Kakashi agreed. That was inarguable.

Silence fell again only to be shattered a heartbeat later when Gai slammed his fist against the table top making the woodwork shake. “You came to the right man!” he declared, apparently having come to his conclusion and Kakashi bit down the urge to amend his words. He had most definitely _not_ sought the other man out though in all honesty confessing his sorry tale had somewhat lifted the heaviness hovering over him.

Gai bounded to his feet, his other hand coming to rest alongside its counterpart and he leaned forward onto them, “I shall assist you with restoring your one true connection,” he professed, straightening to stand and looking wistfully into the distance as though looking into the future, “here and now I make my most solemn vow, with the Flames of Youth on my side, I shall renew your bond with Umino Iruka!” brightly burning flames danced in his eyes, his stance grand and Kakashi couldn’t help but smile at the other man’s optimism.

Nothing kept Mighty Gai down for long and under Kakashi’s extreme exhaustion he felt a small budding flare of hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Internet cookies to anyone who knows where the Anbu Devil Cow comes from :D (And don't worry I have full permission!)


	3. Chapter Three

An insistent knocking on his door brought Iruka out of his thoughts and he glanced briefly at the clock as he moved to answer it; it was late enough to put him on edge, a caller at this hour was usually something more than a general social call.

Opening the door however revealed a fairly bouncing Kotetsu and a slightly strained looking Izumo.

“He _lost_!” the spiky-haired man burst out before Iruka could speak and he seemed positively ecstatic at his words, grinning from ear to ear.

“Huh?” Iruka said intelligently, stepping aside. “Who los—” he stopped short and turned to stare at Kotetsu, “Kakashi?” he questioned when his brain caught up, eyes wide.

“Yep,” the chuunin chirped happily, moving past him and into the living area where he flopped onto the couch. “The great Copy Ninja Kakashi lost his own challenge! Ha!”

Iruka looked for confirmation from the still silent Izumo who nodded and the two chuunin’s joined the other in the lounge as he gave the brunette a run down on the race.

“—and we felt the charka spike then saw the Chidori through the trees and then BAM--he was flying through the air and he landed, get this,” his eyes were bright with mirth, “in the _foulest_ mud pit.” he laughed loudly, gesturing and adding sound effects for the dark-haired man’s benefit.

Iruka listened, his frown deepening and when the other chuunin finished he sent him a scolding look.

“What? Karma at its finest if you ask me!”

“Kotetsu,” he said in a strained voice, “we’ve been over this—”

“Yeah, yeah,” the bandaged man waved off, “he dumped you to make babies, whatever. Still makes him an asshole in my view.”

Iruka glared at him, barely containing his annoyance at the man’s refusal to _understand._ His earlier rant at him clearly hadn’t done anything to lessen his new hatred of the jounin and he switched his gaze to Izumo, silently asking for back up.

“Kotetsu, shut the hell up,” he barked in response and Iruka was slightly shocked at the amount of irritation in his voice and his expression changed to show it.

“He didn’t just lose, he lost _spectacularly_ ,” the brown-haired man added and Iruka twitched, if the two chuunin’s were only here to dog on Kakashi they could get the hell out and he opened his mouth to say exactly that when Izumo went on.

“He was defeated when he exited that forest,” he said, serious eyes locked with Iruka’s, “looked about as miserable as you do and after shouting Gai whisked him off somewhere--even he could see there was something more under it.” He shot a scowl at Kotetsu, “it’s just the dense who can’t see passed the end of their noses who’d think that was a simple loss.”

Kotetsu scowled right back but kept quiet and Iruka ignored them both, mulling over their inputted opinions. He’d been highly relieved that afternoon to see the back of Gai when the silver-haired man had taken him away and he hadn’t given it much thought after that. He assumed Kakashi would find a way out his spontaneous challenge as he had countless times before. And if he didn’t well, he was a big boy and didn’t need Iruka’s worry. It was strange for him to lose, he granted, especially with something as straight forward as a race, but then again, it _was_ the Forest of Death. He honestly wasn’t sure any of this actually concerned him, despite Izumo’s estimation of Kakashi’s frame of mind.

“Was that all?” he asked, having come to the conclusion that while he appreciated the thought, this really wasn’t any of his business. What Kakashi did now had nothing to do with him and he didn’t need constant updates on the other man’s every move; in fact he would much prefer to be kept in the dark entirely.

They both stared at him with matching flummoxed expressions and he spared them a shrug. “Not my business,” he stated, “I’ve got a meeting with the Hokage in the morning so if there was nothing else…?”

The stunned chuunin’s left not long after, Izumo shooting Iruka a lingering look of concern before shuffling after his fellow. The brunette leaned heavily against the door after closing it. It was in complete contrast to his personality to not give someone he cared about the attention and care he was so used to giving and even though he knew he needed to do this he also held reservations conflicting with his actions. Iruka had spent half the night, and most of the day, coming to terms with the situation; emotions battling for supremacy as he struggled to find an adequate stand to take. His acceptance and understanding lasted until Gai had swooped in and let the entire village in on his personal life for the second time, then his underlying anger had surfaced and with the room cleared he’d unleashed it on Kotetsu in the form of scolding for his earlier actions. It hadn’t been pretty, though the spiky-haired man had taken it without qualm, letting Iruka vent and he had to admit he’d felt a lot better afterwards. Still, it meant that despite appearances, and his will for them to be true, he didn’t fully accept the circumstances at all. Maybe on some level he did, really did, but underneath it simmered something that was most definitely _not_ understanding.

Iruka pushed away from the door, locking it as he did so and turned to tidy his living space, ordering his paperwork and carry dishes to the sink; he had a fleeting thought of cleaning them then opted to do them the following day, got three steps away then walked back and started running the water. Keeping busy helped keep his thoughts at bay, he’d tidied his apartment three times already and this was his fourth lot of dishes; not that they really qualified as ‘lots’ per say, there was only a cup and two plates. All too soon his task was done and the chuunin went about his nightly routine, his thoughts switching to the safe subject of his morning meeting with Tsunade; he’d received a scroll requesting his presence as he was leaving the missions room and the sheet hadn’t held any further information as to why it was required so he was left to speculate. He couldn’t fathom it being another mission, particularly one that came from the Hokage herself. Personally he hoped it was regarding his reinstatement at the academy, the thing he was missing the most right now was teaching and he couldn’t wait to settle back into the comfortable regularity of his job. While he’d been away he’d missed it almost as much as he’d missed Ka—

Iruka cut the thought off, scrubbing harder at his teeth as he brushed them and glaring at his reflection; pointedly keeping his mind thought free after that as he rinsed and spat before shutting off the light and making his way through the small hallway to his bedroom. He selected a book at random from his shelf then settled in bed, the room bathed in the dim light of his lamp and he was just about to turn his attention to the paperback when a well-known charka made itself known outside his window.

Iruka started and stared at the closed blinds, his heart pounding and he was halfway to the window when he stopped himself, pulling back and sitting on the edge of his bed. His thoughts whirled wildly and his stare turned into a gape as he tried to comprehend why the jounin was once again occupying the ledge outside. Want and curiosity urged him to open the window while pain and doubt kept him securely in place on the bed. Kakashi’s chakra was balanced and calm so clearly he was okay but evidently the jounin wanted Iruka to know he was there; he could have easily masked his presence otherwise. Did he want to talk? Iruka wasn’t sure there was anything left to say, Kakashi had explained and Iruka had understood--there really wasn’t anything that could follow that.

Iruka stood after a moment then sat and repeated the sequence no less than four times before determinedly sitting back on his bed again; worrying his bottom lip between his teeth the whole time.

This was ridiculous.

Mentally shaking himself, Iruka tore his eyes from the closed blinds and resettled into bed, pulling the blankets up sharply and fluffing the pillows with more than necessary force. He snatched the book up and leaned back, his eyes darting to the window quickly then down to the book in his lap and he nstantly let out a forceful noise somewhere between a frustrating hissing growl and a put-upon groan, throwing the bright orange volume across the room where it hit the wall with a smack before slapping onto the hardwood floor.

Kicking roughly at the blankets, Iruka stood and stomped over to the frame with controlled steps, wrenching the blinds up and sliding the window wide open when he reached them.

“ _What?”_ he demanded.

Kakashi stared back at him through mismatched and repentant eyes, his posture stiff. “Can we talk?” he asked promptly, his voice clam in the face of Iruka’s obvious annoyance.

“Wh— _no_!” The chuunin burst out in reply, his expression incredulous. He was used to Kakashi’s odd way of doing things; he knew the other man was just about as quirky as they come but _seriously._ This wasn’t how you did things and it didn’t take a genius to figure that out, which in this case made it all the more appalling considering the man he was dealing with, was, in fact, a genius. You don’t break up with someone, someone you’ve already moved on from, he thought irritably, and then pop round for a chat less than twenty four hours later. When the Copy-nin only continued his stare Iruka told him just that; only much louder and with a few well-chosen swear words.

“I…”

“You…” Iruka mimicked back immaturely then paused in surprised horror at how childish he sounded. _Gah._ He let out an exhausted breath, closing his eyes and mentally counting down.

“Go home, Kakashi,” he said at last, his tone returned to its normal volume and his anger reigned in then before the jounin could reply he slid the window shut, pulling on the cord of the blinds with his other hand and as he took one last look at Kakashi before they dropped into place Iruka felt a pang of regret.

\--

Outside the apartment Kakashi carefully turned, leaning back against the window frame, a small smile tugging at his lips as he made himself more comfortable.

Iruka was angry.

He relaxed further back, letting his head rest against the glass as he settled in for the long haul, the small smile threatened to turn into a large grin as he replayed the chuunin’s actions.

There was hope after all.

\--

Iruka awoke disgruntled, his newly opened eyes narrowed and glaring at the roof above him yet he wasn’t immediately sure why.

It certainly didn’t bode well for the day ahead.

He stretched out, arms pushing back on the headboard as his brain slowly awoke, his expression melting into confused sleepiness and as his body relaxed a flare of charka spiked from outside and in the blink of an eye he was wide awake, his face once again shifting to that of annoyance.

The reason for his waking up in a less than favourable mood was clearly waking up himself, or at least starting to move about to (hopefully) leave the post he had taken up the evening before. The silver-haired man hadn’t budged the whole night and Iruka could vouch for that, he’d tossed and turned more than he had slept because of the other man’s presence and when he had actually managed to fall into what you could call a semblance of sleep he had woken every other minute and every time he was _still there_.

The brunette glared uselessly at the closed blinds as he sat up, entertaining several wistful scenarios in which the Copy-nin could forcefully be removed before he shook himself.

He would be leaving soon anyway. No need to get riled up. At least he could take solace in the fact that his squatter can’t have gotten much sleep either and, slightly cheered by the thought, Iruka dragged himself from his bed and set about getting ready as fast as possible--he had a meeting to attend.

The problem with haste is that in the small amount of time you give yourself, you tend to forgot things.

Important things, simple things and sometimes things you just assume to have done.

And to compound the matter, you don’t even realise until the worst possible moment.

Like when you’re late, running hell for leather down a busy, crowded street when suddenly the hair you forgot to tie up that morning forcefully reminds you of the fact by obstructing your view.

Or like when you hurriedly whip it from your face and try to shove it behind the Hitai-ate you forgot to put on.

And then, while you growl and rant, venomously cursing a name that conveniently rhymes with fuckashi you spy the last person on earth you would want to see, or more importantly, the last person you would want to see _you._

It was the universes way of laughing at you.

Iruka’s eyes met the golden pair of Naoko’s and for a spilt second the two stared wide-eyed at one another before the brunette launched himself into the air, hunching slightly with his speed then landing in a crouch atop the rooftop he’d been aiming for. He angrily swiped at the hair framing his face but there was nothing to be done with it and with one last hard tug of the locks he was off again, leaping towards the Hokage’s office.

The ANBU guarding the door seemed to give Iruka a double take as he approached, it was subtle, just the slight twitching jerk of their heads but it was a movement that wasn’t lost on the chuunin. It didn’t help to improve his mood either. He knew he must look like he’d just fought his way out a thorn bush backwards by the way hair refused to sit in any direction that wasn’t up and out and no amount of smoothing it down helped. Still, at the noticeable action from the two guards he tried once more, twisting his hair tightly at the nape of his neck and shoving it under the collar of his vest in the hopes it would _stay down._

He nodded to the ANBU when he reached the doors and they bent their heads in return, stepping aside to let him enter.

“Hokage-sama,” he bowed in greeting, “you wanted to see me?”

“Ah, Iruka-sensei,” The blonde woman replied, shuffling through the scrolls on her desk distractedly and mumbling under her breath, “there was a request for you…where is it…SHIZUNE!” she barked out, glaring at the door to her right then continued her search, the mumbling turning into very clear cursing.

Iruka shifted awkwardly, just and barely resisting the urge to put some sort of order to the messy desk in front of him. It was no wonder she couldn’t find the request.

Wait…a request?

His heart fell and he tried not to let the disappointment show on his face as he digested the titbit of information, it looked like he wouldn’t be heading back to the academy for a while longer and the news stung more than he cared to admit.

“It was right here…”

He’d expected to already be back and settling into his post by now or at the very least he expected to have been told when he would return.

But then again, nothing about his homecoming had lived up to his expectations.

Tsunade continued her string of curses as her search yielded no results and after a few more attempts she slammed her fist upon the desk making it shake and causing a litter of papers to slide to the floor.

Iruka averted his gaze and fought the urge to shift uncomfortably; clearly he wasn’t the only one having a bad morning and after a beat he risked a quick glance back to the Hokage. The blonde’s expression was one of complete confusion now, her brows furrowed as she mimed opening a scroll, closing it and then sitting it on her desk at the far right corner and she redid the action once more before slumping in her chair.

“Go away,” she said tiredly as she rubbed two fingers to her temple, eyes closed, and when the chuunin hesitated she made a shooing motion with her hand.

“Yes, Hokage-sama,” a bewildered Iruka muttered, bowing out of the room.

He couldn’t exactly ask about his reinstatement after that.

After his strange morning meeting Iruka dutifully headed to the missions desk only to be turned away and told his shift had been filled as per request and that he wasn’t needed until the following afternoon which left Iruka with few options. With a curt nod he left the assignment room and wandered down the hall, fiddling absently with his uncooperative hair as he went. It looked like he had an unexpected day off…and nothing to fill it with.

His footsteps slowed as he neared his usual classroom and his eyebrows shot up in surprise when he reached the open door and found the room empty.

Sun light streamed in through the tall windows, light dust in the air dancing in its glow and Iruka couldn’t help but enter; breathing in the familiar scent of hardwood and chalk and before he knew it he was sitting at the desk, facing the climbing rows.

Kami he missed this room.

His entire body relaxed as he sat, his eyes sliding shut of their own accord as he simply sat there, basking in the moment.

Tomorrow, he decided firmly, he would formally request to re-join the teaching staff—it would happen either way but it wouldn’t hurt to hurry things along. He missed teaching; he missed the feeling when the children finally and suddenly _got_ it, the way it made all the playing up and arguments and loss of temper worth it. And maybe, if he were lucky, the familiar routine and sense of _him_ again would make up for the pain and confusion of the last few days.

If nothing else he severely hoped it would eradicate his suddenly lily-livered persona.

All too soon the tranquillity was broken by oncoming voices that broke through the peaceful silence of the room and Iruka very reluctantly opened his eyes.

“No, it’s fine, I think I left it on my desk—I can get it for you now,” _are you freaking serious_ , Iruka thought as Naoko’s voice spoke from the hallway and, panicking at being caught, well, sitting, forgot everything he’d ever learnt and taught on the subject of concealment; hastily and awkwardly fitting himself under the desk, hardly daring to breathe.

The tell-tale click of high heels sounded, the foot falls coming closer and closer to his location then paused to the left of his head and Iruka stopped breathing altogether. His feet were pressed flat against one side of the wood, his knees in his face and his shoulders hunched clumsily. The brief thought of being caught in such a position almost made him laugh out loud.

The noise of papers being shuffled seemed to last an eternity in Iruka’s mind, but in reality lasted a minute at most, and then the clicking heels retreated before disappearing up the hallway. Iruka breathed freely again though he stayed in his cramped position, head falling forward onto his knees.

He didn’t even have the words to describe the stupidity of his actions and he felt a deep sting of embarrassment well up within him. What a great example he was setting, maybe he wasn’t quite so ready to be back teaching when he couldn’t even face Naoko without running or hiding, and he didn’t even have the decency to hide well. All skill and learning flew out the window when he was faced with Naoko.

Sighing, the chuunin easily disentangled himself from under the desk and stood, righting his rumbled clothing and he turned to leave the scene when a sudden sharp knock on the closed window caught Iruka unaware, making him jump and knock abruptly backwards into the desk. The neatly stacked pile of papers and books tilted alarmingly, readying to fall and the chuunin spun, turning in time to catch most of it before it fell; a lone manila folder falling to the floor where he let it lay, turning his attention instead to the window.

“Iruka-sensei!” _Oh Kami, save me._

Mighty Gai stood outside the window, beaming at him in a fashion that only the Green Beast could and in a flash he effortlessly opened and climbed through the window, bowing deeply to Iruka in greeting.

“Gai-sensei,” Iruka acknowledged through a forced smile and nodded before setting the fallen stack securely back on the desk, straightening it as he did. He looked back to the Jounin and found the man bent almost in half as he peered curiously under the desk.

“Did you drop something, sensei?” he asked enquiringly, thick eyebrows drawn downward as he studied the floor and Iruka blanched.

“I…uhh,” the brunette stuttered, cheeks darkening and his mind was spilt in two; half trying to come up with a reasonable excuse while the other half tried desperately to guess which part Gai had come in on.

“I…that is…” Iruka stalled, watching Gai for any hint of what he had seen but the man merely met his gaze, expression open and patient.

“…Yes,” Iruka said, drawing out the word as if to gage the jounins reaction and he dropped his gaze to the floor as if to prove it. “I think it was around here…” he made a show of ducking and craning his neck around to the right of the desk and then moved to the left. “Oh!” he spotted the folder that had fallen in his surprise when Gai had knocked on the window, “here it is!” he picked it up off the floor, laughing nervously, “I didn’t see it there!” he grinned, scratching distractedly at the scar on his nose and when Gai opened his mouth to speak, Iruka bet him to it. “I’d better be going,” he said in a rush, “I’ve got…stuff, lots of, er…busy stuff to—bye!” and he bowed quickly, leaving the room through the open window as fast as his legs could take him.

\--

The Plan was coming together perfectly. The scroll had worked as promised and its disappearance would likely be chalked up to Tsunade’s organization skills or lack thereof. And with the arrangements already in place there was nothing to be done but for Iruka to go about his day duty free.

Perfect…

There was one small snag in that his co-conspirator had vanished from his designated spot and while he considered this problem ‘small’ he could see it eventuating into a far, far bigger problem but right now, he was happier thinking all was well and he mentally give himself a pat on the back for a job well done.

“Kakashi.”

The streets were busy as he meandered through the market towards Iruka’s apartment block, traders beckoning would-be customers to their stalls, children nagging their parents and thrifty shoppers bargaining down prices.

“Kakashi!”

The hustle and bustle continued on around him as his thoughts strayed back to his Plan and just how well it was turning out.

“Oi! Kakashi!”

“Eh?!” he jumped slightly, pulling back and cupping a hand to his ear protectively, “Did you have to shout?” he grumbled, rubbing his ringing ear drum and glaring at the senbon chewing jounin who’d so rudely interrupted his thoughts.

“Apparently I did, yea,” Genma eyed him critically for a moment then shrugged, “Gai-sensei’s looking for you, he said to say it’s a go for Operation H.E.A.R.T…” the jounin paused, chewing on the thin stick as if debating something with himself then he shook his head, “I don’t want to know,” he muttered. “Gai’s in position, anyway,” he said, sending him a mock salute and disappearing into the crowd once more before the other man could reply.

“Right…”

Maybe this was too much of a risk after all. His dark-haired companion had said as much but now he felt a sudden uneasiness at the thought that something might go wrong, that maybe, like his friend had stated, he hadn’t thought this through.

He’d thought it a risk worth taking but…

No.

The silvered-haired man straightened where he stood.

_No_ , he thought, mentally shaking off his doubts--the plan was going perfectly…well it was going alright…it was _working,_ damn it and before he could back pedal into uncertainty he continued on his way.

As he neared Iruka’s block his steps increased in speed and in what was both all too soon and not soon enough he found himself standing before the front door, hand raised and ready to knock and despite his resolve, his knock was hesitant.

He heard a thud, followed by stamping footfalls that got louder as the sensei neared the door then the frame was wrenched open to reveal a fuming Iruka, he looked angrier than he had ever seen him (and that was saying something) and as the chuunin met his gaze his expression got impossibly angrier. Before he could even form a thought to turn into speech he was unceremoniously hauled into the apartment and he stumbled as he caught his footing, instantly spinning around to gape at the enraged man.

The slamming of the door echoed loudly around them, the sound, matched with the greeting he had received returning his earlier doubts that were quickly squashed under his rising concern.

“Iru—“

“What the hell is _this,_ ” the dark-haired man seethed, flinging a stack of papers on the floor with a resounding slap, “ _What the hell were you thinking?!_ This, this _thing_ , I don’t even have the words to— _what the fuck Kakashi?!”_

The name caught his attention more than anything else and he brought his hands up in defence, “Ne, Sensei—“

“Don’t!” Iruka interrupted, his glare sharp, “Don’t,” he repeated, running both hands through his untied hair in frustration and he closed his eyes. “Why..?” the chuunin shook his head and re-aimed his glare at the sheets littering the floor, “Section A, clause 2-1,” he bit out, “the abovementioned individuals agree to maintain an outward appearance of truest intent in marriage and bond, section A, clause 2-2, the restrictions on romantic involvement between the intended parties is limited to the up keep of pretences and the act of producing an heir as stated in clause 1-2,” Iruka laughed suddenly, harshly, and met his gaze once more. “That one’s my favourite,” he said, bending down and shuffling through the scattered papers, standing a moment later with one in hand, “section A, clause 1-2,” he read aloud, holding the sheet in front of him as though he were reading a declaration,  “the act required to produce said heir will be performed perfunctorily and for that purpose only, no conjugal obligations in relation to either party will be necessary once an heir is acquired,” he finished and looked up from the paper, an unsettling smile tugging his lips as he locked eyes with the other man. “Is that what you meant by family?” he questioned, voice rising, “is _this_ ,” the chuunin flung the sheet at him, “what peace has brought about? This is nothing but a means to an end! And when it comes to that, an end that I’m not even sure you want!” he was yelling now and the other man took a step backwards, arms still raised in front of him.

“Sensei—“

“Do you even _want_ a child, Kakashi?”

“A…a child?”

“Yes _a child_ , not an heir but a living, breathing _piece of you!_ ”

“I…I’m not sure?” and he really wasn’t.

Sure, that is.

Of anything.

Which is probably why he didn’t see the punch coming.

 

Iruka watched Kakashi stumble backwards, the throbbing in his hand barely noticeable over the abundance of emotions flowing through him, one of which was surprise. He wasn’t sure he was happy that his punch connected or pissed off that Kakashi had let it and as the jounin continued his stumble toward the wall he decided he was more than satisfied with his efforts.

The feeling was short lived--the moment Kakashi’s back thudded against the wall smoke puffed out around him, momentarily obscuring Iruka’s view, and when it cleared it revealed someone who was most definitely _not_ Kakashi.

“ _Naruto?!_ ”

\--

Kakashi stood outside Iruka’s apartment block, casually leaning against the sun warmed concrete and his eye skimming the skyline for any sign of Gai. The man had said noon but he was yet to see evidence of his so-called partner in crime.

And what they were planning to do was definitely a crime.

They were ninja, _jounin_ ninja at that, so their interpretation of crime was loose at best but he was pretty sure kidnapping was still classed as a crime; even if your target was themselves a ninja.

He wasn’t exactly sure how he’d been talked into this either; on the surface it seemed like a good idea but with just a little extra thought, and that was really all it took, what it actually was, was a disaster waiting to happen.

And he had been waiting, now that he thought about it, for quite some time now. He’d even shown up _on time_ for this and now he was left waiting for Gai, of all people.

Something wasn’t right.

Kakashi had endured more than enough of Gai’s elaborate speeches on tardiness and all the disgraces it implied to know that the other man wouldn’t be late without due cause so, pushing away from the wall, the silver-haired man made his way up towards Iruka’s apartment.

Then again, he thought as he started up the stairs, he also wouldn’t be surprised if his fellow jounin had jumped the gun and simply started faze one of the plan without him.

\--

_“Naruto?!”_

Iruka gawked at the boy in front of him, his mouth working silently as his mind whirled from anger to incomprehension, to confusion and bewilderment, briefly hovered on guilt, and then settled back into astonishment.

“W-what are you _doing_ here?” he demanded, stepping forward and helping the blond away from the wall and steering him into the kitchen. Naruto grumbled something inaudible in response, rubbing his cheek and half-heartedly glaring at the chuunin. “That hurt ya’know!” he said, taking Iruka’s offered help and letting him guide him onto a seat at the table despite his words.

“I’m sorry,” Iruka said guiltily, pulling a chair forward and sitting too, his face full of concern as he eyed Naruto’s rapidly swelling cheek. “I, well, that wasn’t meant for you,” he smiled weakly, “but that’s—Naruto, what are you doing here?” This was the last place Naruto should be and his presence, though completely welcomed by Iruka, would not be so favourably looked upon should anyone else find out.

The blond met his gaze, looking for all the world like the child Iruka remembered so well, caught being up to no good and suddenly trying to find an easy out and before he knew it Iruka found his concern fading into fondness as he smiled at Naruto who grinned back; all teeth and charm.

 

\-- 

Kakashi stared, his visible eye wide with shock as he tried to comprehend the scene in front of him. He was half tempted to turn around and go back down the staircase, sure that what he was seeing couldn’t be what he was seeing, yet if it was...

Tilting his head in thought, the silver-haired man slowly pushed his forehead protector upwards, revealing his sharingan eye and studying the boy before him, his eyes narrowing when his suspicions were confirmed.

Well, fuck.

 --

 

“I would’ve picked a different disguise if I’d of known you two were fighting,” Naruto groused lightly, massaging the redness of his check and Iruka watched, transfixed as the puffy redness seemed to recede, healing before the bruise had a chance to appear.

“I’m sorry,” Iruka repeated, shaking himself back to their conversation, “I wasn’t really expecting it to connect...”

The blond dropped his hand, moving his jaw from side to side experimentally before he replied, “must’ve been some fight...” he said, his smile slowly turning down into a frown.

“Did you say something about a child?”

“Ahhh...” Iruka’s insides squirmed uncomfortably at his question and the idea of having to explain it to him. He quickly changed the subject, “you still haven’t told me what you’re doing here!” And he really did want to know, because if Naruto was here...did that mean Sasuke..?

“I...I’m visiting,” the blond said, voice somewhat defensive, “we were gonna be passing by anyway so I thought...why not?” He shrugged, sending Iruka a small smile, “I couldn’t _not_ come by, it wouldn’t feel right,” he mumbled the last part and despite himself the chuunin returned the smile, shaking his head. Trust Naruto to disregard a global treaty on a whim.

“And besides,” the boy went on, “my plan worked perfectly! Hehehe.” His grin was back and Iruka chuckled, reaching forwards to ruffle his hair affectionately.

“Only you...” he mused.

 --

Kakashi hadn’t moved an inch. He knew his presence was known, he hadn’t exactly been in stealth mode as he’d entered the corridor and even if he had been he was sure his shock would have given him away anyhow.

And even after confirming his suspicions the Copy-nin remained where he was, completely at a loss as to what his next move should be. It wasn’t exactly an everyday situation that came up, he’d never read a memo entitled ‘What to do in the event your Exiled, S-Class missing-nin Ex-Student should appear holding a takeaway box outside the door of the man your currently trying to win back.’

It just didn’t happen often enough.

 -- 

“Ne, sensei,” Naruto began as he accepted the steaming mug of tea, cupping his hands to its warmth, “what happened between you and Kakashi?” He’d been trying to avoid the subject, seeing as his earlier question was met with a swift change of topic but he couldn’t help but be curious. His former teacher was always quick with his temper but what he had been greeted with was something completely different and his rage had been fuelled by more than just anger. Iruka was hurting. And what was it he had said....about Kakashi wanting a child?

It didn’t make a whole lot of sense in Naruto’s mind.

Iruka’s back was too him as he served his own tea so Naruto couldn’t see his expression, though judging by the twitch that reverberated through his frame it can’t have been a pleasant one.

He heard Iruka sigh after a long moment of contemplating his beverage then the man turned, his hands braced on the bench behind him and he gave Naruto a tight smile.

“It’s a long story,” he said eventually and the blond made a show of settling into his seat, relaxing and crossing his legs out in front of him.

“I haven’t seen you in Kami only knows how long, is this really what you want to hear about?” The chuunin tried, his tone light but tinged with underlying resignation.

“I think you owe me,” Naruto chirped cheekily, pointing to his non-existent bruise and he grinned smugly when Iruka sighed once again.

“Stubborn little...”

Naruto’s grin widened.

\--

Sasuke tensed imperceptivity, the silence in the hallway palpable as the two ninja each waited for the other to make some sort of move or acknowledgment.

He was paying Kakashi minimal attention, his main focus being the conversation taking place beyond the door he was currently standing guard over.

He’d followed the _dobe_ as he entered the village, despite his assurances to the blond that he would sit tight in the outskirts. He should have known better, really. The look on Naruto’s face, he remembered, when the boy had realised Sasuke wasn’t in his chosen spot, had been highly amusing. Even if he had been wearing Kakashi’s face at the time, his expression was pure Naruto.

Sasuke frowned as the conversation behind the door continued, his focus momentarily switching to the man standing idle down the hall.

“Hn.” Idiot.

 -- 

Naruto’s heart panged painfully in his chest as Iruka relayed his return to Konoha and all the events that followed. He wasn’t sure which was worse, the events themselves or the forced casual tone they were being told in.

One thing he was sure of was that Kakashi had _definitely_ deserved that punch in the face.

And perhaps a kick in the balls for good measure.

Surprisingly it was obvious to Naruto, under all the pretences that spoke otherwise, that Hatake Kakashi did not want children.

Iruka was case and point. If Kakashi wanted something, nothing would stand in his way, he went after it without so much as a how do you do. Albeit he did it in his own strange and painfully meticulous manner but all the same, once his mind was made up, it was done. It seemed, at least to Naruto, that Kakashi had done everything in his power to make sure his new “dream” _didn’t_ happen.

He skimmed through the contract Iruka had salvaged from the floor, counting the many outs Kakashi had given himself and noting all of the blockades he had set up, whether consciously or not, that would slow any progress in the development of producing an heir.

For example: Section E, Clause 1.1; Should no heir result within the first year the filer retains full rights to terminate the contract without due cause and/or notice.

Why was a clause like that even in there? If the silver-haired man was in any way dedicated to making this “dream” a reality, surely he would make every allowance for it.

Naruto glanced up from the sheet, frown deepening as he met Iruka’s quite gaze.

“Want me to beat him up?”

 -- 

Sasuke snorted at Naruto’s sudden question, his lips twitching up into a half smile.

_Dobe_.

Not that he didn’t share the blond’s sentiment; their former sensei clearly needed a good beating if what he’d just heard was anything to go on.

And it wasn’t that he himself particularly cared either way, but Naruto would, did, and most of his decisions were based on that fact these days, irksome as it was. Sometimes Naruto cared too damn much.

Mind made up, Sasuke turned slowly, purposefully, towards the silver-haired man, his head inclining by the barest inch. “Kakashi,” he acknowledged finally, shoving his freehand in the pocket of his trousers in an attempt to look as unthreatening as possible.

“Sasuke-kun,” the other man replied, echoing his action and the raven-haired boy twitched at the jounins greeting.

They eyed each other wearily a moment longer before Sasuke broke the tension filled silence.

“You’d make a terrible father,” he stated.

\--

“Do you remember when Kakashi-sensei told Gai-sensei about you guys?” Naruto asked once Iruka’s laughter had died down from his previous query. He wasn’t sure if he should be insulted by how funny Iruka found his serious offer or not so he let it slide with the knowledge that, however funny Iruka found it, he _could_ kick Kakashi’s ass.

The chuunin frowned but nodded, “kinda hard to forget,” he joked.

“That...that was his way of announcing it,” Naruto went on, “his weird, _weird_ way of making sure the whole village would know, right?”

“Yes...” Iruka answered slowly, not entirely sure what he was getting at and Naruto didn’t blame him. He wasn’t sure what his point was either but he knew there was one in there. Somewhere.

His face scrunched up in concentration as he tried to get the right words out, “well, he wanted everyone to know, yeah? Kinda stake his claim and all that?”

Iruka’s eyebrows drew down, clearly still unsure just where Naruto was heading with all of this and the blond quickly carried on, “he wanted everyone to know you were precious to him, and...and everyone was shocked cos, you know, he’s...he’s Kakashi-sensei.” Naruto paused as Iruka continued to stare at him blankly.

He didn’t think he was getting his point across at all.

 --

Sasuke was mildly disappointed by Kakashi’s reaction, or lack thereof. He had half expected the man to argue.

“Ma~, I guess you’re right,” was his reply and the jounin tilted his head towards the dark-haired boy as he went on, “if my influence on you is anything to go by,” he finished, eyes upturning in a falsely cherry smile.

Sasuke’s eyes narrowed. For some reason, the words stung.

“Hn. I was beyond your influence long before we met,” the words were out of his mouth before he could fully analyse them. They sounded vaguely like words meant to comfort.

He blamed Naruto and moved on.

“You don’t even like children,” Sasuke pressed, “you could hardly stand team seven and we were twelve.” He watched Kakashi closely as he spoke, noting the complete non reaction he was getting; the other man simply stared impassively back at him, unbothered.

Time to change tactics.

“Iruka, on the other hand, would make the perfect Father,” the change was instant, Kakashi’s eyes stuttering into a glare as he straightened, bristling at his words.

Sasuke smirked. Bingo.

“Maybe now you’ve given him the boot he’ll have his chance, eh, Kakashi? He’s that type of man, all warm and caring...domestic. He’ll find himself a wife in no time, don’t you think?”

The glare sharpened.

It was the truth in what he said, Sasuke knew, that was drawing out a reaction.

“He chose children as a career for Kami’s sake,” the dark-haired boy drawled, “what does that tell you?”

 -- 

Naruto’s gaze flickered to the door, a pronounced frown marring his face; he swore he just felt...

“That...doesn’t really clear anything up,” Iruka was saying and the blond snapped back to the chuunin as he went on, “you’re saying because he didn’t, what, shout it from the roof tops or...or let it slip to Gai...”

“That he never actually wanted it,” Naruto finished for him, “yep, yep.” He nodded his head as though that settled the matter. He really wasn’t the most eloquent person when it came to making his point in any setting other than battle so it was a relief he and Iruka were finally on the same page.

“And...”

“I think it’s a jounin thing,” Naruto interrupted and he smiled wryly at the brown-haired man. “They’re bat-shit crazy,” he stated, it wasn’t so much the rank itself he knew, more the things you dealt with once there and the power and skill level that accompanied it. “I’m sure, had Sasuke stuck around, he’d fit right in with that lot,” he mutter as an afterthought. Hell, the dark-haired boy could lead them all onto a whole new level of crazy and that was a scary thought.

He shuddered, shaking it off. “Like I said,” he shrugged, “it was Kakashi-sensei’s way of dealing... his weird, bat-shit crazy jounin way of dealing with you being gone.” Naruto watched Iruka as his words sunk in, he knew he was right. Naruto had a lot of experience with crazy. He’d spent the better part of the past two years trying to figure out Sasuke’s crazy ways and what Kakashi had done was nothing compared to what Sasuke was like when left to his own devices. The first few months he’d spent with the boy had been the most depressing of Naruto’s life; if Sasuke wasn’t glaring off into the distance he was asking Naruto to kill him. It was the only words he’d spoken before he moved onto _why_ won’t you kill me. “I want you to live” wasn’t a viable answer apparently. Had the dark-haired boy not snapped out of it Naruto was sure Kurama would have taken over and granted the boys wish...and he probably would’ve let him too.

Well, no. But he would have let him beat Sasuke around a bit.

Naruto twitched in his seat, remembering the last time he’d left Sasuke alone. He hadn’t even been away long when he’d come back to find the other boy, for once where he left him, but with a ramen cart in tow, it’s owner nowhere to be seen. Sasuke’s answer to his shrieked questions had been a simple, “you said you missed ramen.” As though that was a perfectly valid reason to steal a person’s lively hood.

Crazy. Iruka didn’t know how lucky he had it.

 -- 

Kakashi could see it oh-so-clearly. Iruka with children of his own, Iruka happily married, the prefect family—picket fence and all. He was suited for it, unlike Kakashi; Iruka was everything you’d want in a prospective parent while all Kakashi had to offer was his name. When he’d met Yasuragi he had automatically imagined Iruka, features softening as he gazed at her—and he knew they would. When he saw the children of the village it was hard not to think of Iruka. How he too would beam with pride at Sakura and how his temper would flare once he met Konoha Academy’s newest prankster, who had already surpassed Naruto in his troublemaking.

All of these were truths he already knew, had already dwelled on.

It riled him anyway. Sasuke was a manipulative bastard, knowing exactly where to aim his verbal assault; he always had been far too observant for his own good and if the boy hadn’t been currently posing a serious security risk he would throw a few well-chosen words of his own.

Kakashi’s biggest problem was w _hy_. Why did the ever stoic Uchiha feel the need to spit sharp words? Why was he carrying an Ichiraku takeaway box? And the more important question—why had the exiled pair even returned to the village? The silver-haired man had already surmised that Naruto must be in the apartment beyond, never mind why Sasuke had chosen to make jabs at his current personal predicament, what the hell were they doing here to begin with?

He gaze flicked to the door behind Sasuke, surely Naruto wouldn’t come here without due reason...he wouldn’t come on an impulse, on a desire to see old friends...would he?

Damn it, who was he kidding?

 --

Iruka was quiet for a long time, wrapped up in his thoughts as he grappled with Naruto’s explanation on Kakashi’s actions.

It made a strange sort of sense. The sort of sense where it was so ridiculous, so damn stupid, that it virtually had ‘Hatake Kakashi’ written all over it.

He’d just been beginning to discover all The Crazy when Naruto had arrived. The contract... _gah_.

Iruka hadn’t even been able to finish reading the novel of a contract, with the amount of clauses and stipulations it’d take him well into the morning... No, he’d found himself stuck re-reading the first set, then re-reading and re-reading...

And even with all these facts, what was Iruka supposed to do? Not even the temper he was famous for could enlighten Kakashi on all the types of wrong he had attempted.

And Naoko-sensei...

Iruka cringed. Kakashi, dare he think it, could _almost_ be let off the hook. Lame excuses though they were, his calamitous offbeat ways were part of who he was—it gave him certain allowances.

But why had she even considered this?

“You understand, right Iruka-sensei?” Naruto’s words prodded him back to the present, “he did a stupid thing but, in way, he did it for you?” The blond looked at him with intense blue eyes, willing him to understand and Iruka opened his mouth to reply but the boy ploughed on, “or...or _because_ of you? I mean...it’s not like he stole a fourth generation business, right? Hahaha...”

Iruka’s eyebrows shot up at that, expression dumbfounded as Naruto continued to laugh, the nature of it taking on a nervous edge.

“...I guess so—“

The chuunin’s dazed response was cut off as his front door thudded loudly in its frame and he started, his gaze snapping to the door.

“Wha—“

It thudded once more, a sharp crack splintering diagonally through the wood and in the blink of an eye Iruka was on his feet but before he could make a second move it crashed a third time.

The third crash was the loudest; the door finally giving in to the assault and fragmented wood was thrown inward along with two familiar figures, both gripping tightly to an unseen item they appeared to be wrestling over.

Iruka could only gape at the sight before him, his wide eyes darting around the odd scene as disbelief coursed through him.  It appeared, if his eyes were to be believed, that Hatake Kakashi, genesis copy-ninja, and Uchiha Sasuke, S-class missing-nin, were currently locked in a fierce battle over his...door handle? Both gripped the handle tightly with one hand, shoulders pressed against each other’s as they endeavoured to take sole possession of the object, shoving and pulling like pre-genin. Neither were gaining the upper hand in the struggle, though Sasuke’s attention was diverted somewhat as he also fought to keep the box in his other hand level. The chuunin’s incredulity only deepened when he read the familiar insignia adorning it and he turned to gape at Naruto, hoping the boy could shed light on, or at the very least _confirm,_ the spectacle only to find the blond wasn’t even following the battle taking place.

Naruto sat slumped in the chair, his eyes closed and his expression resigned as he mumbled under his breath.

“...never listens,” Iruka caught the boy’s muttering, “should’ve put up a barrier, stupid _teme_...”

He knew he should do something, the question was _what_? Naruto didn’t look as though he’d be jumping in anytime soon so, really, Iruka ort to do _something_.

The task of breaking up the fight was taken out of his hands, however; when Kakashi pivoted suddenly, trying to dislodge Sasuke. The dark-haired boy effortlessly followed the sudden movement, twisting into the motion as the takeout case swung upwards with the momentum.

All eyes focused on the box as the bottom of it sprung open; the container within flying out across the room as if in slow motion, impacting on the furthest wall with a squishy thud, sloping liquid and noodles wetly onto Iruka’s living room floor.

Iruka stared, opened his mouth silently, and then closed it with a snap.

“I’ll clean that!” came Naruto’s far-too-loud shout, making Iruka jump and he turned to face him only to be met by an empty chair. The chuunin turned again, finding the blond now standing beside Sasuke, his hand on the other boys chest as he whispered furiously in his ear. The dark-haired boy’s posture was stiff and he glared nastily from the broken box he still held, to the jounin standing a few feet away. The chuunin’s gaze followed and he glanced at the silent man who looked as bewildered as Iruka felt. Kakashi stared from the smashed in door, to the handle in his hand, as if he hadn’t the slightest idea of how it came to be there.

“I’ll...I’ll pay for the door too!” Naruto added in the same too-loud voice, his whispered conversation over; though the blond kept sending Sasuke anxious glances.

“You don’t have to do that....” Iruka replied weakly, taking in his wreak of an apartment.

Someone was going to be cleaning and paying, but it certainly wouldn’t be Naruto.

“Kakashi should.” Sasuke stated into the quiet and the tension in the room shot up as all eyes turned to the man in question.

Iruka shifted awkwardly, it was exactly what he’d been thinking.

Kakashi spared the dark-haired boy a glare, distractedly pulling his hitai-ate down to cover his sharingan before relaxing into his trademark slouch, “I will.”

“Okay....” Naruto drew out the word into the uncomfortable silence that followed, “now that that’s settled—“

“Shouldn’t you be getting back to your wife?” the blunt query came from Sasuke, but it wasn’t until Naruto was suddenly standing between the dark-haired boy and Kakashi that Iruka even clicked as to who the question was directed at.

“Sasuke, _don’t_.” Naruto stood in the middle ground with his arms spread wide on either side of him, his glare fixed on his fellow exiled-nin, “just, _don’t._ ”

“Hn.”

Sasuke relaxed his posture, taking a step back, and Naruto turned his attention to Kakashi who echoed the boy’s actions after a beat.

Iruka was completely lost and it must have shown on his face because Naruto’s expression softened into his earlier concern and his arms dropped to his sides, “remember what we were talking about, Iruka-sensei?” the blond asked.

He did. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to revisit it after their lively interruption, especially with their current audience.

He nodded.

“Do you understand?”

Entirely...yet not at all. He knew what Naruto was really asking but it didn’t make answering him any easier. And did he really want to do this _now?_

In spite of himself Iruka found his gaze landing on Kakashi’s form, noting the rigidness in his slouch as he listened to their exchange, his visible eye trained on the hardwood floor.

Yes, he understood.

He understood exactly what had motivated Kakashi to chase his so-called dream, he understood that even if he hadn’t returned for another year that, contract signed or not, Kakashi wouldn’t have gone through with it. He even understood what Kakashi was looking for when he’d thought up the ridiculous plan.

But....

“Understanding doesn’t equal forgiveness,” he replied at last, looking away from the silver-haired man as Kakashi twitched at his words.

“But—“

“Stop,” Kakashi interrupted Naruto, his voice hard, and he held his hand up towards the blond even as his eye zeroed in on Iruka who was determinedly not meeting his gaze. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness,” Copy-nin ignored Sasuke’s derisive snort, his complete attention focused on the chuunin, “I don’t expect it, but I am sorry...it was...I was...” Kakashi struggled to find the words while Iruka’s glance slowly edged in the jounins direction, “it was you I was chasing.”

 Iruka breathed in sharply, his eyes rising to meet Kakashi’s in surprise, “you—“

“My Esteemed Rival!” Gai’s voice boomed into the moment, muffled despite its intensity. “At last your true heart has spoken!” he continued, materialising with an overly extravagant twirl in the middle of the semi-circle they formed. The green-clad man beamed at Kakashi, his good-guy pose in place and his voice filled with pride. “Finally you have laid the truth bare with your honest words and now your Number One Love Connection can once again be made whole! No longer will you—“

Kakashi moved quicker than Iruka could process and chakra smoke filled the room abruptly, surrounding the occupants then dispersing as rapidly as it had come and taking the two jounin with it.

The apartment was suddenly silent.

A strangled sound came unbidden from his lips as Iruka stared unseeingly into the now empty space in front of him, his brain struggling to process the events that had taken place. His eyes trailed vaguely from Naruto’s anxious face, to Sasuke’s ever-cool stare and back before eyeing the sodden ramen hanging limply to his wall. His gaze dropped to the floor, following the messy path of fractured wood that led back to his doorway and Iruka wondered distractedly if Kakashi had taken the door handle with him. Kakashi. The jounins earlier words came to the forefront of Iruka’s mind and he frowned, looking back to the mess on his wall just in time to see a cluster of noodles slowly peel away and fall, dropping onto the floor with a dull splat. The words had been...surprising, genuine and honest. Honest in a way Iruka hadn’t experienced since his return, probably even more honest with himself than Kakashi had been since he’d cooked up this whole idea. The ridiculous, _ludicrous_ idea. An idea he had somehow made _legal._ And Kakashi had been chasing him? In what way was making a binding contract for an ornamental heir considered _chasing_? He sure didn’t feel chased. Annoyed, disappointed, betrayed; he certainly felt all of those, but hardly _chased_. Iruka’s breath came in short gasps as all of the aforementioned emotions merged into his rising anger, suddenly every fibre in his being screamed at him to break something, someone, to jumped up and down, holler and shriek and throw the biggest, loudest and ugliest tantrum that would put all of his past students efforts to shame.

Everything he’d experienced since his return flowed through him, amplifying until he couldn’t see straight and he dimly felt his chakra flare before he was brought back to reality by a hard sharp slap.

“T-thanks,” he stuttered out, surprise falling over his features as his eyes focused and he met Sasuke’s impassive gaze; he’d expected Naruto. The dark-haired boy nodded and allowed himself to be tugged backwards as Naruto stepped forward to stand in front of their teacher. Concern shone from his blue eyes and Iruka smiled weakly, absently rubbing at his still tingling cheek, “I’m okay, Naruto.”

Well...not okay—but at least no longer on the verge of a sudden mental breakdown. It was all too much, coming home only to lose Kakashi and the subsequent rollercoaster of emotions as to why, when, who, how and The Crazy. Kami, The Crazy. He should have seen it, he should have known; it shouldn’t have taken Naruto of all people pointing it out. He’d lived with Kakashi and his Crazy, been regaled with tales of it and witnessed it first-hand. Hell, the way in which their ‘courtship’ took place and how everything evolved from that point was brimming with Crazy. All the staged run-ins where the jounin would deliver carefully thought out small talk, sounding painfully rehearsed yet, to Iruka, oddly endearing. His cautious confession, delivered in almost bored tones but with the underlying jittering energy of a sugar-hyped three year old--the way he avoided the hard conversations; bypassing them entirely and simply leaving a key and his apartment warding information along with a hand drawn map to the other man’s building block.

It was a special kind of crazy; uniquely Kakashi in every aspect.

He should have known, damn it. He was almost as angry with himself as he was with Kakashi over the whole mess.

“Iruka-sensei...”

Naruto was frowning, that odd intensity back in his eyes as he studied the chuunin and Iruka tried to summon an actual smile for the boy, “I’m okay, rea—“

“Do you...do you _want_ to be with Kakashi-sensei?” Naruto asked slowly.

“I—”

“That’s what matters; the only thing that _really_ matters,” the blond continued over his reply, “if you want to be with him, people say this stuff is complicated but, it’s simple, ne sensei? Kakashi is Kakashi, he made a mistake; he makes lots of mistakes but if it’s what you want, even the crazy part, the mistake making part, it’s all part of Kakashi-sensei.” The frown was gone as he finished his reasoning and a small but satisfied smile tugged at his lips instead, “don’t make yourself unhappy if you don’t have to be.”

Iruka took a moment to take in the boy’s insight, staring at him in something akin to wonder, “when did you become so wise?” he asked in a quiet murmur. It was unnerving to hear the sensible words coming from Naruto, the same Naruto that was usually so quick to act before thought could take shape.

“Hehehe...” the blonds eyes scrunched up as he smiled brightly. “When you weren’t watching,” he replied cheekily and Iruka supressed a snort of laughter.

He was in awe of Naruto. Of the man he was becoming, or maybe already was. His words cut straight to the heart of the matter and made everything seem so simple, so easy, and Iruka was beginning to believe it. What he needed was to take a step back, cut out all the bullshit, and decide.

When he wasn’t watching indeed.

“Thank you, Naruto.”

“Anytime, sensei!”

The pair grinned at one another for a moment before Iruka stepped forward, pulling Naruto into a brief, but tight, hug. He almost wished he could tell his younger self that he’d one day receive relationship advice from Uzumaki Naruto, and good advice at that.

“Whatever you decide, I’ve got your back!” he gave Iruka the thumbs up, squeezing his shoulder reassuringly as he stepped back.

Whatever he decided. Right.

“We were gonna head down to the western border tonight to check out some bandit attacks but they aren’t going anywhere so we can stick around and help get this mess sorted; I doubt Kakashi-sensei will be back today so...Iruka-sensei? Ne? Are you listening?”

If it came down simply to what he wanted, then the decision was as good as made, had been made for a long time now.

That part _was_ simple; however there was one slight hitch...

“Naoko-sensei...”

“Eh?”

“Naoko-sensei,” Iruka repeated, picking his way carefully over the debris of his front door to the table. He picked up the contract, shaking off the scatter of woodchips and idly flipping through it. “She signed this,” he motioned to the papers, “she was willing to...to....”

“You decided,” Naruto’s voice was smug and the chuunin spared him a glare. Perceptive Naruto was becoming annoying.

“I don’t even...what do I do?”

“I’ve got it covered,” Sasuke joined their conversation then, before either of them could reply, there was a faint pop and the dark-haired boy vanished, the broken box he’d been holding clattering uselessly to the floor in his wake.

“ _EHHHH?!!_ ”

\--

Kakashi eyed the dark wood before him critically, scrutinising the panel carefully as he ran his fingers lightly over smoothed edges, searching the surface for imperfections.

“I was ver—“

The Copy-nin cut Gai off with a sharp glare and was mildly pleased with the audible swallow he received in response and he turned his attention back to the task at hand.

“Hmmm....” he stepped back to get the full view of the sanded down door, circling around it slowly.

He had to admit, Gai had done an amazing job in such a small amount of time. He wouldn’t admit that aloud of course, but internally, he was impressed.

He dropped into a crouch, tilting his head and studying the shiny handle; then he reached out and pulled it down experimentally.

He could feel Gai’s eyes upon him as he went about his inspection so the silver-haired man took an extra few minutes, paying additional attention to the handgrip before slowly getting to his feet.

“Ma~...it’ll do,” Kakashi drawled out, meeting the other man’s heavy stare finally.

“Ka-Kakashi—“ the jounin’s teeth were gritted in an attempt to hold the emotion out of his voice as he spoke. He was failing.

“I know.”

“You—“

“Yep.”

“Wh—“

“Because I can’t.”

“I am honoure—“

“I’m asking you to do this,” Kakashi turned from the door to face the black-haired man fully, “because you owe me,” he stated in a level voice, trying in vain to ignore the man’s poorly hidden happiness. Gai was acting as if him asking for help, or asking for _his_ help, was some sort of momentous deed. It was bothersome to say the least. Couldn’t the man ever just do what was required without the dramatics?

“And if Iruka is—“

“Don’t, under any circumstances, talk to him,” Kakashi ground out, pronouncing each word clearly and if Gai took exception to his blunt words he didn’t show it; instead he nodded in affirmation and gripped the door in preparation.

“Understood,” he said as he heaved the frame up easily with one hand then hesitated, “Are you sure you don’t want—“

“He won’t...he doesn’t....” Kakashi cut himself off with a disgruntled sigh, “just go. Please,” he added in the hopes the uncharacteristic mannerism would spur the jounin into action.

“What I said—“

“ _I know._ ”

 Without another word Gai leapt off, disappearing quickly onto the rooftops. Kakashi’s shoulders slumped as soon as the jounin was completely out of sight. He’d accept the next challenge Gai presented him, he decided, whatever it may be.

Turning, Kakashi ambled lazily in the general direction of his apartment block. This afternoon hadn’t gone to plan at all. He’d envisioned the many likelihoods today could have held, but as usual, the actual events and outcome contrasted entirely. And surprisingly it hadn’t been due to Mighty Gai that their plan had gone so awry, as he’d anticipated. No, the fact that everything had gone to hell in a hand basket was down to him. For trying in the first place, for not simply letting Iruka be....

It was his fault.

And Sasukes.

Kakashi scowled at the thought of the sharp-tongued brat. He couldn’t quite remember what had been the catalyst in their battle over the door handle, he’d wanted in and Sasuke refused his entry then bam, he was watching ramen stream down Iruka’s living room wall as he stood amongst the smashed in door he was sure should have been attached to the handle he found himself holding.

Sasuke had that effect on people. He had half the mind to go straight to the Hokage’s tower and dob the little bastard in.

_“Understanding doesn’t equal forgiveness.”_

From what Gai had told him it seemed Iruka understood more than Kakashi would like; he’d read the contract, or parts thereof, and was none too pleased according to the other jounin. The silver-haired man snorted; that would have to be the understatement of the century if Gai’s description of Iruka’s reaction was accurate, and Kakashi knew the chuunin well enough to know it had been. Apparently Naruto owed him a good, square punch in the jaw. Gai had been in position the entire time, tactfully _henged_ into a ceiling fan and had therefore witnessed the goings on within the apartment. The black-haired man was wholeheartedly impressed with the astuteness Naruto had shown, as was Kakashi, but he also kind of wished Gai had kept the details to himself. The insufferable jounin was firm in his opinion that all was not lost between himself and Iruka, regardless of the chuunin’s plainly stated words, but Kakashi had heard them loud-and-clear. None of Gai’s splendid speeches could fade them from his mind so, for now, Kakashi would stay away. Would give him the space he needed. Maybe one day, further down the track, they could start over...could form a friendship again, maybe more tentative to their past acquaintance but he’d take that, just that, over no interaction with Iruka at all. He would back off until the other man was ready.

Certain in his conclusion Kakashi picked up his pace, if he hurried he’d have time to eat and shower, and still arrive early enough to catch Iruka before he headed to bed for the night. It was almost obligatory that he tell the other man that he was willing to give him the time he needed, that he wouldn’t come up with anymore reckless schemes to complicate their situation.

Iruka had a right to know these things.

\--

Iruka padded wearily up the staircase to his flat, his fingers rubbing at his temple in an endeavour to block out the pain slowly building behind his eyes.

What a total disaster today had been.

It really had been an ominous sign when he’d awoken confusedly irritated this morning; he wished he’d stayed in bed....

He and Naruto hadn’t arrived in time to stop Sasuke, the merry chase he’d led across the village being a mere distraction, and the decoys had cost them time they didn’t have. Iruka took comfort in the fact that the dark-haired boys plan hadn’t been what he initially feared.

They found Naoko first, sitting dazedly at her desk, her expression worryingly serene as she gazed blankly at the empty rows and when none of their efforts to rouse her succeeded Naruto had sent a shock of chakra through her body to snap her out of it. It worked, but what they were then greeted with was far eerier than the non-responsive teacher they’d had moments before.

Sasuke had hypnotized her, a sharingan trick he’d perfected over the years and used when unwanted people had recognised he or Naruto. It appeared the boy had done a thorough job too, the teacher didn’t react to the name Hatake Kakashi, asking politely if he were a new student, she didn’t know of any contract or why she would have one with a person she had no memory of. And upon Iruka’s hesitant introduction of himself she had delightedly shaken his hand, expressing her gratitude for the lesson plans he’d left behind and intermittent correspondence of added information and, more unnervingly, went on to explain that she would be requesting a transfer first thing the following morning.

Sasuke had all ends neatly tied, bow and all. He’d been damn satisfied with himself too when they finally caught up with him. It scared Iruka how well Naruto knew the bizarre Uchiha, it took him a matter of seconds to figure out where the dark-haired boy would go next and, with a few loud curses, a brief run and a quick _henge_ they stood waiting for him as he departed the ramen stand, takeaway box in hand. Iruka had to admit he had been particularly proud of the scolding Naruto had released upon Sasuke, even if its influence on the dark-haired boy had been minimal. It was impressive none-the-less and Iruka wondered what their day-to-day life must be like, a few things Naruto let slip gave the impression it was as far from ordinary as you could get.

The trio had parted ways right there and then, Naruto apologising repeatedly in between continued yelling at Sasuke who, perhaps just for his own amusement, kept dropping his disguising _henge_ for brief intervals as people passed by. Iruka had waved off the apologies; the blond had absolutely nothing to be sorry for, his presence and unexpected wisdom today far outweighed the abundance of mishaps. In all honesty, despite Sasuke’s irrational behaviour, Iruka was sad to see them go.

Back in the present Iruka climbed the final step into the corridor, fishing his keys out of his pocket as he approached the door, unlocking it and stepping inside.

It wasn’t until the door clicked shut behind him that he realised there shouldn’t have been a door for him to unlock in the first place and he spun around, staring at the entrance in confusion. He had a sudden urge to rub at his eyes; sure the door would fade away if he did. Frowning, Iruka ran his fingers lightly over the surface, the tactile touch somewhat surprising him.

Huh.

He walked further into his living space, eyes immediately fixing upon the wall that should, by now, be a sticky mess of congealed ramen and soup. Nothing. Not a single smear was visible and Iruka turned where he stood, giving the room a once over. No evidence of the splattered ramen remained, nor was there anything to show of the smashed-in door; in fact, on closer examination, _everything_ looked cleaner than his usual everyday standard. Surfaces gleamed, knick-knacks were arranged, and the dishes from his speedy breakfast plus the tea cups he and Naruto used were washed and put away. A light scent, something flowery and definitely not from any of the products he had lay in the air. It was possible that Kakashi was behind this but, he sniffed, no, something told him Konoha’s Green Beast and Number One Clean Freak had paid him a visit.

So really, Kakashi was behind it.

He found he didn’t mind in the slightest. It was a welcome comfort to discover he no longer had to spend his evening scrubbing down the walls and he hadn’t yet had the time to begin the undertaking of replacing the door.

The pain behind his eyes lessened considerably and he smiled inwardly as he moved through his flat towards the bathroom for a much needed shower, wincing when he caught sight of his reflection; his hair was in a shocking state after having been left out for the entire day.

But, all in all, things were looking up.

Switching the shower on, Iruka left it to heat up and moved to his bedroom for a change of clothes only to pause in the doorway.

“Gah.”

Gai was all kinds of messed up.

His room, much like the rest of his apartment, was spotless, his bed had been made and atop the comforter Gai had positioned bright yellow flower petals in the shape of a large love heart.

Forcing himself into the room, the chuunin stopped at the edge of his bed, eyeing the spread of flora then reached out suddenly, swishing the blossoms about until they no longer formed the sappy outline; smiling once his task was one.

“Much better,” he said aloud and turned to retrieve his clothes from the dresser. Contrary to what most thought, Iruka was about as sentimental as Sasuke when it came to gestures like the one Gai had left. He’d never given much thought as to why; he just found the very idea of them unnecessary and generally nauseating.

It was when he started humming in the shower that Iruka put extra thought into his sudden contented demeanour. Sure, coming home to find the place in impeccable order was cheering but his almost rapid change was niggling at him. He felt lighter than he had in days, almost as if the burden and stress were gone completely. Seeing Naruto, even for such a short, if eventful, duration had also been a consoling occurrence but there was a moment when he’d felt the shift....

Iruka ceased all movement, stopping mid hair-wash as he pinned down the moment the ever present knot in his chest had slowly started to unravel.

He was a terrible person. He hated himself for it instantly but there was no denying it; once the shock of Sasuke’s actions had worn off he’d felt...relieved beyond measure. His original outrage had gradually given way to silent thanks, even if the thought made his stomach squirm. He held no ill-will towards Naoko-sensei, he was sure of it, but not having to deal with any sort of fallout was an amazing liberation. And Kakashi would be just as thankful.

Speaking of....

He was, of course, another reason for his change in persona. The chuunin was still angry, make no mistake, yet he also now understood, unequivocally understood what Kakashi had done. It was stupid, ludicrous and unbelievably careless in the normal run of things, but in the not so normal, where Kakashi lived, it was actually kind of sweet.

The chuunin turned the spray off after rinsing his hair and reached for the towel.

_“It was you I was chasing.”_

Fucked up too, Iruka would be the first to attest to that, but, cutting out all the bullshit, he had made his decision; just as Naruto had guessed. It really was as easy and simple as the boy stated, if Iruka let it be.

Tugging on his pyjama pants, the chuunin wandered leisurely from the bathroom and into his bedroom, pausing in the act of drying his hair to gaze out the window and the darkening sky beyond.

They couldn’t rewind and forget the entire mess, although Sasuke had offered.... Iruka’s thoughts trailed off as he moved toward the window and regarded the frame. But...they could move forward from here, working through the mistakes and alongside The Crazy.

The chuunin shivered slightly from the cool breeze that ghosted against his skin as he slid the window open, inhaling the night air deeply before stepping back towards his bed and concentrating once again on running the towel through his hair.

And what was life without a little crazy?

“Yo.”

\--

**End**

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and to everyone who left feedback! I really enjoyed writing again and this even made it to posting – an amazing feat for me these days! So I hope you enjoyed reading it!
> 
> And a really, REALLY huge thank you to Shivvlan, for agreeing to read this in the first place since you don’t read Kaka/Iru (apparently they’re so together they don’t need fanfiction ^.^) for being a fantastic beta, for putting up with random texts of ‘if you were this character would you...’ etc and for making this chapter everything I wanted it to be by adding only two words XD You are awesome!


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